Elena's story There are clients who come to a psychologist not for changes, but to prove that they are right. They are right that nothing is working out for them, that change is impossible under their conditions. They defend this truth fiercely and selflessly. The fact that they came to the training is another proof that they are right. After a while they will be able to say: “I did everything, everything. I even saw a psychologist, but so what? Nothing works out anyway.” Elena was just such a client. The objective data are as follows: 53 years old, pretty, dresses very elegantly, sews herself. Two adult children, she was married only briefly and for a very long time. I was burned very badly and from then on I began to rely only on myself. Several attempts to build a relationship were unsuccessful: either the children got in the way - they took up all my time and energy, or lack of money - I had to work and raise the children, there was no material help from anywhere. At the training, it was very difficult for me with her. Almost everything I said was accompanied by a constant leitmotif: “Everything you say is, of course, correct. But an old fat woman with two children still won’t get married.” The group became demoralized and distracted. It was that training that gave me a lot as a coach. Experience in dealing with difficult clients is simply invaluable. Be that as it may, Lena finished the training and disappeared. Time passed. I conducted several dozen more trainings, gained experience, gave birth to a child, and at some point decided to write a book. A book about real stories, stories of our clients. Therefore, I sent out a question to all the addresses I had saved - does anyone want to share their changes, talk about how the training was useful. Imagine my surprise - Lena was the first to respond. She lives in the same tiny village in the Stavropol region. During this time, she not only traveled abroad for the first time, but more than a dozen marks appeared in her international passport - from Croatia to Holland. She became interested in hand-made needlework and opened an online store. She has been married for 2 years. Her husband is a strong, respectable man. The whole time we were talking with Lena, he was playing with her granddaughter in the yard, and it was clear that he really liked it. Once at a training I asked her: “If you throw away all your “impossibles.” If you take away the fact that there is nowhere to meet anyone, there is no one you don’t want to meet. If you imagine that anything is possible. If the only thing you need is to wish without restrictions. What do you want?" Then she did not answer me, once again explaining why this was impossible. But when we met after these four years, she remembered this question and said: “Now I have everything I want. And then... At that time I couldn’t even think about it. And in general, after the training I began to feel depressed, and only after a few months I began to understand something.” Of course, I see everything that happened to her through the prism of my experience, my knowledge. If I’m wrong in my vision, Lenochka, forgive me. I want to write about my understanding of the situation, my interpretation. I think that it was the fact that she finally admitted to herself that everything was bad and nothing would work out - that became a turning point for her. If a person reaches the bottom, he pushes off and floats to the top. Before that, she played a game with the world - convince me that everything is not so bad, and I will prove the opposite to you. All her energy, all her time, was spent on this. This is a very interesting game, and very profitable. Everyone pities you, sympathizes with you, consoles you, and you don’t need to do anything - just complain about your bitter, difficult fate. She did this all the time during my training - there was not a single person left in the group who would not tell her that she was beautiful and could very well get married if she wanted. But then the training ended, and she was left with her own rightness. Proving to everyone and herself, first of all, that she is lonely and will remain so. I think this was a kind of last resort for her - she had already convinced everyone else around her of this a long time ago. It’s like a child desperately craving a forbidden toy -