From the author: How to help yourself? How to start changes so that life gets better? I'll share my method. I really like it because of its simplicity and effectiveness. I want everything to be good in life. I want positive changes. I want everything to work out. Such aspirations are not alien to a mere mortal. But it’s not clear how to do it... An example from life. We have very good audibility in our house. The neighbors are a family with 2 children. Very often a mother yells at her children to do this and that and not to do that. My daughter says: “Poor children,” and I say: “Poor mom.” Why? Yes, because she does not notice a simple thing: her screams do not lead to the desired result, she does not notice that the children most likely get scared, freeze, do not hear her and continue to do the same. And mom overloads her body (swollen veins, tense muscles, bulging eyes). “And such rubbish all day long” (K. Chukovsky). Another example. When I was studying, our coach told us the story "Oh! Birdie." What the teachers said then ended up becoming reinforced concrete slabs in my experience, professionally as well. So, here's the story. She (the teacher) worked, if my memory serves me correctly, in a psycho-neurological clinic. And in my opinion, a psychiatrist. There was a bird in her office (a kenor or something else, I don’t remember). The bird was freedom-loving and often sat not in a cage, but on its owner’s head. Even while receiving clients, none of the clients who went to consultations dozens of times ever started talking about the strange bird on their head. And then one day, one regular client, having once again come to the session, sat down opposite the doctor, began to say something, and then exclaimed: “Oh! Birdie!” What is this story about? About the fact that when under stress or being immersed in one’s experiences (which is essentially the same thing), a person notices little around him. And not only around, but also inside too. And then this person walks in a vicious circle and cannot come to the necessary changes. Like a robot: stomp, stomp, stomp. And the recipe for getting out of the vicious circle is outrageously simple: First, just notice. Unfortunately, over the years we lose the ability to notice. That we want to go to the toilet (sorry). We want to sleep because we feel pleasure. Or anger. That we are in danger. Or vice versa. That expensive shoes are too tight. And how often do we hear from each other the phrase: “I told him a hundred times, but he doesn’t hear!” Of course he doesn't hear! He doesn’t notice what they say to him, he’s switched off. Because no one notices, at a minimum, that this method does not work. On both sides. We need another way. And this method, I repeat, is to notice. I notice that I am tired, I notice that my interlocutor is not listening to me, I notice that my child did not fulfill the request, I notice that my son managed to read a story today, I notice that my daughter washed the dishes, I notice that that I am grateful to her. By the way, for some reason positive things are more difficult to notice. We are used to criticizing, teaching, but somehow noticing that the result is a small crumb. So, notice. Your sensations, thoughts, feelings, actions, desires... And others too. It’s easy to write about it, but harder to do. I really want to devalue this method because of its apparent simplicity. But this is the only way. And this path will lead to the fact that there will be no need to notice, relatively speaking, the negative. The desire to scold yourself, shame and blame your loved ones will disappear. Like my neighbor, who has been screaming every day for a year now and can’t stop screaming. She should notice that she is screaming, notice that the children are freezing. And already out loud she notices that they are not doing what she asks. She does not notice the obvious. Doesn't notice the elephant. And if you start to notice your children, then your joy will know no bounds! It’s like the joke when a child, after talking with a waitress, told his parents: “She saw that I was there!” Children learn to notice themselves when their parents notice them. And one last story. She impressed me very much. My daughter had a nightmare. She rarely dreams of them, but, as they say,.