From the author: ...The girl stood on the bridge. Below, in the darkness of the night, the river barely glimmered. This bridge was an Abyss for her. At any moment she was ready to fall and fly down. There was no future in front of her, she simply did not notice the colors of autumn, which was then in full swing: yellow, burgundy, silver leaves - they circled and fell, flying past her like heavenly ships, but she did not notice the beauty of the earth: she lived in her soul Pain. Pain was always with her: betrayal, betrayal, and this Pain wounded her tender, thin, vulnerable soul, because some hopes and plans were destroyed, some thoughtless mistakes were made, bridled by emotions, in life. ...The girl stood on the bridge. Below, in the darkness of the night, the river barely glimmered. This bridge was an Abyss for her. At any moment she was ready to fall and fly down. There was no future in front of her, she simply did not notice the colors of autumn, which was then in full swing: yellow, burgundy, silver leaves - they circled and fell, flying past her like heavenly ships, but she did not notice the beauty of the earth: she lived in her soul Pain. Pain was always with her: betrayal, betrayal, and this Pain wounded her tender, thin, vulnerable soul, because some hopes and plans were destroyed, some thoughtless mistakes were made, curbed by emotions, in life. She was abandoned, betrayed. There was no strength for anything. The world seemed black and worn out; there was, in fact, no one to live for. She wanted to live earlier, she fought for her happiness, but did not yet understand where our happiness really was. She wanted to love and be loved, she understood that she needed support, care, understanding, respect and tenderness, and also stability. The mistake she made many years ago did not lead her to happiness, or at least to stability - everything in life had to be “gnawed out” with her own teeth, and she had to carry her “burden” of life on her fragile, and at the same time, strong shoulders. What good things could she remember from her Past: the eternal struggle, the solution to the most difficult life problems, and she no longer had the strength to shake off the Past: the “crystal castles” of hope for happiness were broken, the world did not seem full of colors and sun, and there was no inner willpower to believe in yourself again. She had everything for life, and, at the same time, nothing: too many mistakes, too many losses, and not an iota of strength. As time went. No, it seemed that it stopped before Eternity, because there, if you take a step forward, there will no longer be Pain, torment, disappointments, grievances and problems. Silence. Peace. Everything will instantly become History. The story of her life. The history of her books written in her youth, the history of her biography, the history of her childhood, selfless, self-sacrificing help to other people, the history of her childhood pranks, but... after all, she is only 31 years old, does it really have to end? Elena leaned against the railing of the bridge and began to cry. Her shoulders trembled from a silent, strangled cry. The pain ate away at her soul and heart like rust, and she did not see the Future before her eyes. She felt unbearably bad, she was tired of rushing from one extreme to the other, tired of trusting someone, waiting, and there was no visible ray of sunshine in this impenetrable tunnel of life. The world has become exhausted and decaying. It was cold. The cold permeated the body and came from the inside, it seemed that this cold was about to begin to freeze the blood in her veins, spurred on. The pain of the soul, and there is no need to even take a step forward: it will freeze, fall asleep and so on. Forever. Forever. Letting go of everyone and her Past, freeing this world from her presence, in which she is just a small grain of sand - in a large and exhausting desert, but suddenly someone quietly and affectionately touched her shoulder. The touch was soft and confident, and did not bring with it the fear of surprise by its appearance; this touch was like a gentle, warm ray of sunshine. I had to open and raise my green eyes, brushing away my blond and thick hair with my hand. A middle-aged man stood in front of her. Simple and kind. A soft, subtle smile, no, more like a half-smile, illuminatedhis face has regular features. There was something sublime, unknown and simple about him at the same time. He was simple, natural, kind. Kindness came from within. It could be read in the “web-like wrinkles” around the eyes, in the soft and full lips, kindness flowed from the wide palms. High forehead, well-shaped nose, height above average. Intelligence. Versatile talents, simplicity, friendliness, compassion. Strength, gentleness, confidence, stability were visible in his demeanor. He was dressed simply and discreetly, somehow at home, which gave off an aura of long-forgotten homely warmth and comfort. Once upon a time, Elena had the coziness and comfort of home. Once upon a time. In childhood. In youth. Time was counting down seconds, minutes... The man stepped forward, holding out his hand to Elena, saying only one word: “Let's go.” Her legs did not obey at all, they, Elena’s legs, became somehow wooden, as her soul became stiff, numb, petrified. Heart. But there were no more tears. And she went. "Where? For what? With whom and where am I going? Who is he?" - thoughts pulsated in her brain, but the man calmly and confidently, protecting her from the wind and cold with his broad shoulders, led her through the night streets of her beloved city. Cities of childhood and youth. Cities of revealing her talent, her glory, her prosperity. The city was asleep. He was silent. He was mute to Elena. And Pain obscured it all. She now lived in Elena as a living being, and did not want to leave at all. Die. The pain raged like a rabid beast, exhausting. Mental and physical pain. Something had to be done. But what? How to get away from the Past? How to forget everything and find the strength to live and be strong? Where can I find a way out? How? The man led her to her own house. “How does he know my address?” - the thought pulsed in Elena’s head. "Who is he? What does he know about me? But she remained silent, allowing the man to take the keys to the apartment from her. Elena stopped for a minute, afraid to go inside: there, in the apartment, lived Emptiness and Loneliness. Her Loneliness. It frightened her, exhausted her, exposing every nerve, every cell, but, making a huge effort on herself, Elena entered, followed by the man. Having taken off his home-style jacket, he helped her take off her shoes and coat, and like a master, he walked into the kitchen, where she had not touched anything for a month: out of habit, she bought food that she had no strength or desire to eat. About ten minutes later, a living spirit of freshly brewed tea and sandwiches began to walk through the apartment, which the man brought into the living room on a tray, placing it on the coffee table in front of the girl. Elena sat in a chair, closed her eyes, and quietly said: “Shall we eat?” My name is Evgeniy. I live nearby and have often seen you on the street, so I know where you live. I just don't know your name. There is no need to be afraid of me: I am a simple person. Engineer. What is your name? - Elena. Very nice, Evgeniy. You eat, I don’t want to. - Let’s use “you” and can we just “Lena”? But you will eat with me. Eat and tell me. About everything. I'm listening to you carefully. Why are you afraid of Loneliness and Emptiness? Why are you exhausted by Pain from the inside and the outside? Let's clear things up together. -How do you know everything? About Loneliness, Emptiness, Pain? Are you a psychologist? Psychic? You know, this Pain is driving me crazy, it doesn’t give me strength, it only takes it away, there’s simply no one to live for, no one to care about, I’m used to living for someone in whom I saw my Future, but I’m just tired of the same thing constant feeling of Loneliness: they don’t need me anymore. They simply forgot my name. Gone. Evaporated. Hope and faith faded away, all dreams and plans, everything that seemed Eternal, collapsed in an instant. But nothing is eternal, as I now understand: life changes, brings its own more and more “adjustments”, “conventions” and “laws”, they leave us, simply forgetting to say “Goodbye”. I used to think that friends don’t leave, don’t abandon, don’t betray, but, unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. It’s a pity that it all ended so abruptly and unexpectedly, and I was left alone. In whatmeaning of life? Where can I get that “core” that kept me “afloat” all these last years? Who needs me now? Books have been written, educational works are impossible to find in our time of financial crisis; My younger brother and sister have grown up a long time ago, and my son, ironically, was unable to be born - for whom should I live? Who to care about? Believe me, I used to believe in love. Eternal. But, if we come to the realization that all this is an illusory, “crystal world of dreams” that collapsed in an instant, bringing with it disappointment and fatigue, then you begin to be afraid of loneliness, frightened by the emptiness of the corners of your own apartment, “confused “from one extreme to the other, the fear of the Future lives in me as a living being, mixed with the eternal Pain, which digs into the heart like a snake, and it is then that you begin to realize that the world has ended its existence for you, and, if not It’s strange, your existence in this cruel and unstable world has ended, where for me there is nothing interesting and beautiful. I can’t do this anymore. Do not want to live. Take my word for it. - Lena, you are mistaken, don’t get me wrong. Let's figure it out together, what is Happiness? You say: “For me, happiness is being needed by someone, living for someone.” And this, in fact, is called affection, you give your soul and heart, which you shouldn’t do. A person by himself is free, he must remain a self-sufficient Person, and must not depend on anyone. By filling your soul with peace, harmony, understanding of all that is beautiful, and by letting go of the Past, this is the only way you can drive out your Pain, the fear of Loneliness and Emptiness, because true and indestructible happiness is only within ourselves. When you yourself let go of your Past, you yourself will see and be able to build your own Future with your own hands. And I will help you with this as much as I can. It's already three o'clock in the morning, time to sleep. I'll take you to the bedroom, tuck you in, and try to sleep. I'll sit next to you. There is no need to be afraid of me. Then I’ll go into the living room: I’ll finish sleeping in the chair - I’ll have time to work at seven. And don’t make this up: friends are not trees, they don’t grow to the ground, and you will live. I will personally bring you back to Life, my dear girl... ...For the first time in the last six months, Elena, having calmed down, fell into a deep sleep, as if she had fallen into the Abyss, where there were no nightmares, no dreams - it was just a dream. Deep and promising sleep. A dream that led her to the Future. During the six months of their friendship with Evgeniy, a wonderful human friendship, so many good things happened: he became a “girlfriend” for her, a friend, a support, then a little more than just a friend - they both felt comfortable and good together. But Evgeny is a free person, does not tolerate attachments, their friendship again acquired a shade of friendship, care, help, although Elena “broke down” for some time due to the fact that she did not want to understand at that time one simple thing: you need to remain self-sufficient and unburdened by the Personality without getting used to anyone. This frightened Evgeniy, but, no matter what, his attitude towards Lena did not change: he remained kind and gentle, honest and decent for her, you could rely on him at any moment, you could tell about everything without hesitation, we could eat delicious food together, listen to the unique collections of music that Evgeniy brought to Lena, we could joke and enjoy life again and again. It was possible to walk with Evgeniy on the street late in the early spring. Lena's attempt to save her family was unsuccessful, and only worsened her health condition; many strangers, just casual acquaintances, like random passers-by in life, various kinds of “persons” left Lena’s life over time: friendship did not work out, old friends have their own lives, and new ones are not acquired rashly, it takes time to understand where you - a friend, and where just a casual acquaintance. So winter and spring passed. Evgeniy remained nearby, he taught her to look at the world with completely different eyes, little by little, step by step.step by step, brought peace and quiet into her life, confidence and care, constant help and stability, gentleness and friendliness in communication, he taught her to feel free, slowly expelling the Pain of the Past from her soul. And then one day the time came when Elena was able to completely reconsider her life, her Past, Present and look a little into her Future... 2. ... During the three weeks spent in the hospital, Elena had time to completely rethink her life: at first she felt bad for In my soul, the world seemed black and decaying, although spring was already laughing at full force outside. Evgeniy came. He brought food, necessary things, and during that time Lena could completely get used to Freedom, Peace, Harmony, eating normally, basking in a bath with a mountain of foam, reading and writing a lot, thinking a lot, analyzing, and as soon as time flew by incredibly quickly in simple and spiritual communication with him, there was a feeling that Lena wanted to stop time, just to learn the most new things from Evgeniy, having caught that dear and close to her now, no matter what, the spirit of harmony and peace, freedom, comfort, attention and tenderness , because the Pain has receded. There was no more pain. She's gone. She died. She evaporated without leaving a trace. Lena became taciturn, deep in her own thoughts and deeds, she did not “throw around” words like “empty balls”, she liked to be silent more and be with herself. Loneliness no longer frightened her: the world was filled with colors and sounds, and her soul began to see the light ... One day, in the forest, having met with Evgeny on a day off, Lena, looking at the greatness of nature, mysterious and beautiful, having warmed up in the sun for the whole long, long May day, and now peering into the glittering sparks of the flaring fire, where she was slowly adjusting a twig - behind a twig, so that their small fire would not go out when the twilight of a lilac evening filled with the smells of blooming bird cherry falls, - the girl, comfortably nestled in Eugene’s arms, peering into the glare of the fire, the reflection from which made her eyes and hair also golden, quietly said: - You know, Zhenya, Fate introduces people completely by chance, but even in our, so to speak, “accidents,” nothing ever happens for nothing, everything has its original meaning and root, so, talking with you, I discovered more and more for myself a huge storehouse of knowledge, willpower and the ability to improve my life, no matter how difficult it may be. I will only allow myself to say, remembering your once written words: “There are no unsolved problems even in your life, and you must firmly move towards your intended goal in order to achieve the desired result, while making all the necessary knowledge and efforts, methods and intelligently drawing the necessary conclusions. A person becomes truly strong precisely when he is truly alone.” Material, accumulative benefits are alien to me. It was painful? What is Pain? This is another test of courage, endurance, honesty and loyalty, devotion to the end. Man, unfortunately, cannot know his future, we cannot assume what will happen to us tomorrow, but I’ll just say one small phrase: no matter what happens in this life, no matter what events happen, just remember my words that I am not looking for gold, fame, enormous authority. I don’t know how to betray, deceive, leave, having invested my whole soul, strength, knowledge, patience into a person, and right now I see the world of my Future. You taught me harmony - within myself, freedom of choice, reasonable and correct, logically based solutions to some vital issues; taught us to truly appreciate and love this life, no matter how cruel it turns towards us; taught me to truly value friendship and help in any situation, taught me to be simply a free and unburdened Person who is now interested in absolutely everything, taught me simplicity and even greater humanity, displacing Fear, Emptiness, and Loneliness from me..