How to understand that your boundaries are being violated? It’s simple, if you feel unpleasant and uncomfortable when communicating with a person, then your boundaries have been violated. But the fact is that we are not always ready to talk about the presence of our feelings. We are embarrassed, afraid of offending a person, although it is high time to say “STOP” and not allow them to do what is unpleasant to us. What actions and words should we say “Stop”? People can ask unpleasant and incorrect questions, manipulate you through feelings of shame, resentment, use your resources. Others may ask you to do something you don’t want, it’s uninteresting - but you can’t refuse and at the same time you feel bad. Do you know when strangers on the street or in a store start to come up with their tips when no one asked them for it? This happens everywhere - even on social networks. And it all looks like psychological violence. But the main idea is that only you personally can prevent all this - others will not think about your boundaries. And now the promised three steps for you to save good mood and health. First - understand your boundaries. In my life there were situations when close people violated the boundaries of my personal space. She was angry, angry. But then I realized that they were doing this because I didn’t tell them about my rules. I myself have not personally defined my boundaries. This is not about “don’t go here”, “don’t go there” for all situations in life. The main thing is to understand what is acceptable for you and what is not. This may concern relationships with money. For example, I don’t lend money. I decided that I can give the amount that I am ready to part with or donate. I don’t want to discuss other people, or rather, gossip. This means that when communicating with others, I let them understand this. I determine for myself how much time I am ready to devote to others, and how much time to myself. For example, if I'm having lunch, I don't answer the phone. Think about what rules are important to you and be clear about them yourself. Let others know this. And, most importantly, do not make excuses for the decisions you make. Second, communicate your boundaries to others. It is quite possible that your boundaries are different for different people, and this is understandable. For parents - some, for husbands - others, for neighbors - others. The main thing is that you clearly understand this yourself and act in accordance with it. How to inform others about your rules? For some, a hint is enough. Well, what if a person doesn’t understand and continues to ask unpleasant questions? At this moment it is important to turn on a cold rational mind! If you are not understood, express your thoughts more clearly. Remember the main thing: let your interlocutor understand where your boundary lies. Simple phrases are enough: “I don’t like this” “I’m not ready to talk about this” “I don’t want to do this” “Please don’t ask me about this again.” Or a firm “No”. I know that not everyone can easily do this. In my many years of practice, people often come to consultations with the following requests: “Learn to say “No.” Third, protect your boundaries. And here’s the most difficult thing: what if your boundaries are violated? What to do? We remember that it is important to monitor how you feel with this or that person, in this or that situation. For example, you agreed with a friend to meet at 18.00, and you said that you could wait for her no more than 15 minutes. But she was half an hour late. Are you still waiting for her? And then you listen to her excuses and get angry? It may be difficult the first time, but you should give her feedback on how you feel and in the future you shouldn't wait for her an extra 15 minutes. Believe me, she will stop being late. But if you read her up and forgive her for being late again next time, she will do this all the time. Resenting others for violating our boundaries is quite common. But this resentment is born from a feeling of helplessness. The main thing is to ensure a comfortable existence for yourself, and there is nothing wrong with that. You have the right to live your life the way you want. If maintaining personal boundaries is your thing, then start by following these simple steps. And you will soon notice how