From the author: An example that has been repeated many times in practice. The material was first published in my group (https://vk.com/no_problem_bel), and there was also a publication in the Pychology community on the website pikabu.ru under the nickname corsbel. As a psychologist, I have to hear such words regularly, and I have to regularly refuse this request. As a rule, such requests come from decent adults who believe that their child/wife/husband/mother is doing something wrong. A man calls me and begins to blame, for example, his child or wife. Show in full...[/url]Describes how they are poisoning his life with their behavior, and offers a solution - you, they say, work with him (child, wife), explain , that he is wrong, otherwise he no longer hears me at all. Does understanding appear? Once again, a person asks to work with another, because this other does not suit him in some way. Why didn’t you immediately go to a psychiatric hospital or to debt collectors? It is often extremely difficult to explain to such people the absurdity of this request. There are a number of reasons for this. In particular, these people adapt to life based on the basic belief “I’m okay, you’re not okay.” Beliefs, as we know, tend to manifest themselves in real life. Therefore, people who live by the principle “I’m okay, you’re not okay” are constantly surrounded by stupid employees, dysfunctional children, hateful wives and husbands, and the like. The mechanism for the request to arise is approximately the following: I live, I do everything for him, and it still doesn't live up to my expectations. I will do even more, and I will explain very clearly that I love him and wish him the best. And so on until the moment a person simply leaves his life in one way or another: on foot, through alcohol and drugs, having changed beyond recognition. Is it possible to help the caller in this case? Yes, based on the basic belief “I’m fine, others are fine.” okay,” the specialist always tries to politely convey to the person that it is possible to help him become and be that person who is able to interact ecologically with others, that he has all the capabilities for this. To which the person most often objects that the problem is not with him. He knows that he is completely fine, but others are not. A psychotherapist, of course, also falls into the “others” category. Brief conclusion: a person who seeks psychological help should be prepared for the fact that he himself will have to change. Otherwise, this is an appeal for anything, but not for help..