Containing. “... the most difficult word in the Russian language is the word melancholy, it’s not the melancholy that stands behind the fence, but the melancholy that is sadness, but not the sadness that grows in the forest, but the sadness that melancholy!” Several days the same situation floats in a row in work and simply in conversation, that is, the situations are different, the root is the same. A sketch from the film “Runaway Bride.” The heroine escapes from the wedding three times. And with her next groom, a conversation about her tastes leads her to the understanding that she “dissolves” in the people around her. It is difficult for her to decide on her tastes and preferences. Such a “girl” these days in the hairdresser’s chair gets her hair cut the same way as her mother, or calls her husband with the question - “What should she prefer?” Let me note, a girl aged 35+ with two children. And one could talk about the failure to separate from the mother or the inability to take responsibility for one’s decision, but no. In this case, we have to say that there was no containment in the life of such a person. Containment is a function performed by the mother or the person replacing her. Remember, you fall off your bike at the age of 5, and your mother says: “This hurts you, I will feel sorry for you and everything will pass.” Our psyche has three main types of discomfort: Lack of care Anger Fear All other types are shades, consequences and modifications of the main types of discomfort. Such as anxiety, anger, resentment, uncertainty, sadness, melancholy... Normally, an adult should understand why he is uncomfortable and how to deal with this discomfort quickly, constructively, independently. The key is INDEPENDENTLY. That is, without the help of mom (dad, husband, wife, sister, brother) like at five years old. That is, the psyche is able to recognize the type of discomfort and process it without outside help in the shortest possible time, and without destructive habits. An exception is the period of acute grief. The situation of acute grief may be different for someone, a broken nail may become intolerable, or the choice of a dish for breakfast, or, as in the situation described above, the choice of hair color and haircut model. In consultation with such issues, I work as a container, I help clients recognize feelings and emotions and learn to respond to them.