Recently I received a wonderful comment on VKontakte, saying, girls, you are all infantile consumers, it’s time to get a taste of adult life And you know, this is a very cunning manipulation. You often get caught doing it too. They tell you that if you can, then you should. And if you don’t do this, then you are infantile or consume. What is infantilism for you? Infantility for me is not when you don’t know how or don’t want to do something. This is when you: wait for a miracle, shift responsibility, do as someone said so as not to think, or in spite of yourself blame others, don’t know and don’t want to figure out how to build your comfortable life. If you can do something, know how, it’s not means that you are obliged to do this. I can also change the generator in the car, repair the gas boiler. I can say this because I have already done it with my own hands. I need a story about a generator, give me one. But if I can do it, it doesn’t mean that I should and will do it again. I have a lot of options, such as changing the generator in the car when the need arises. And because I don’t change it myself, I won’t become bad, childish or anything else. And, by the way, if your husband doesn’t change, he won’t become bad either. Do you agree with this idea? Often, when we don’t know how to do something, we are also accused of immaturity and consumerism, and are forced to learn how to do it. Like, you still don’t know how to hill tomatoes? Let's go, I'll teach you, you'll help your mother. And if you learn and don't help, they shame you. In general, shame and guilt are faithful companions of manipulation. They are the ones who encourage you to do what the manipulator wants. Always ask the question “who benefits from this?” If you really need it, then, of course, go ahead, do it or learn. For example, you need to learn how to put gas in your car if you drive alone. But if you learn something and then you do something that you don't like, that you don't want to do, but it benefits someone else, then here I have questions. What makes you an adult is not only the ability to do some supposedly adult things, such as pay for utilities and earn money. Not being able to do something, not knowing something, not doing something is not a shame. What makes you an adult is responsibility for your life. When you understand exactly what you need and how you will achieve it. When you understand that your comfort is in your hands, and you can organize your life the way you want. The main thing is that you know what you will do for this. And it doesn’t matter who thinks what. But if someone else’s opinion can make you feel guilty and ashamed. Or even blow yourself up and run to do something so that someone will say “well, yes, you’re great.” You should think about whose life you are living. Who benefits from this and moral satisfaction? And it’s even better to take your shame and guilt to a psychologist. Come to me for a consultation to see the solution to your problems. Reviews about my work and other useful articles in the VK group https://vk.com/yakushina_psy