“...An adult is capable of sincere expression of feelings only if in childhood he had parents or educators who were able to understand him. People who were abused in childhood cannot have a sudden surge of feelings, because they can only experience those emotions that the internal censorship inherited from their parents allows them to feel. Depression and mental emptiness are the price to pay for this self-control. …"A. Miller “Drama of a Gifted Child” Does it ever happen to you when, receiving unexpected very good or, on the contrary, very bad news, instead of showing fullness of feelings - joy or sadness, sincerely experiencing happiness or grief - you fall into a stupor? Of course, somewhere in the depths of your soul all this is boiling, emotions are overwhelming inside you, but it’s all deep, but on the surface, on the outside, there is a complete lack of reactions. Or worse, in an unforeseen situation, you stop feeling anything at all, as if you are freezing. Of course, it is necessary to single out in a separate area those people whose similar reactions are a consequence of existing psychological trauma (this applies to those who have had crisis situations in their life experience associated with a threat to the life of the person himself or those around him). In this case, the so-called freezing occurs and the psyche remains at this stage (the “fight, run, freeze” reflex). This topic requires a separate discussion. But if they tell you some good news and seem to jump with happiness on such an occasion, and you sit, there is just calmness and the most that your interlocutor will see is a slight smile on his face. Happens? Then Alice Miller's quote is most likely about you. By cruel treatment, I think, in this case, we should not understand only physical violence, but here we mean any lack of acceptance of the child and his feelings. Parents, for some reason of their own, who do not accept a “too” (in their opinion) emotional child influence the formation of his reactions to life situations. In the future, an adult cannot sincerely and fully experience happiness or grief, and does not know how to express joy or grief. Working with families, I always see that each parent has his own reasons for acting the way he does, and they also mainly come from their own childhood, so I will not dwell long on “who is to blame.” Moreover, while we were growing up, our parents were growing and changing along with us, and the censor who does not allow us to express emotions, in most cases, is no longer a real person, but some kind of our internal image of this person. Therefore, let's move on to the next point - “what to do”?7 In this case, the problem needs to be solved where it appeared, which means in childhood. You and I don’t have a time machine yet, so we’ll use the services of our own subconscious. Exercises aimed at interacting with your inner child will help you; I will describe one of them below. But the most important thing is to observe yourself and what happens to you precisely at the moment of the so-called stupor, ask yourself: “what do I really feel, how would I like to express my emotion” and try to do it. Let it be gradually, in small steps, but you will come to the goal. So, sit back, close your eyes, and imagine yourself, but as a small child. Remember some very bright, joyful moment of your life, or you can’t remember - think of what you would like to see in this picture, what can make this child jump for joy. Introduced? Stay with this image for as long as you need, then open your eyes and draw what you saw. The best way to do this is with paints. And, yes, the fact that you don’t know how to draw doesn’t matter in this case))), just try to convey the atmosphere of the image you see. Now look at this drawing and describe the feelings it evokes in you. Feel that childish feeling of happiness inside you. Remember this state, you can.