I lost count of how many mothers told me in consultations that they felt terrible when they yelled or scolded their child severely. And if it also ended with them spanking or calling him names in some way, then deep feelings of guilt cannot be avoided. Usually in this situation, I ask mothers to look at the situation from the outside, as if this were happening to another woman, and then I suggest analyzing the feelings to a child and a woman. Most often, mothers feel anger and condemnation towards such a woman and feel sorry for the child. They have a desire to condemn such a mother. When we remove this “layer,” we can then see the mother that she is tired/afraid/powerless. And then clients want to help such a mother, often taking the child and giving her a rest. And when self-compassion appears, mothers exhale. And they tell their stories, where they were treated in a similar way and how it hurt them, how they wanted support. But parents (usually mother, in my practice) punished with silence. Or they could send him to a corner to “think about his behavior.” When we dig even deeper, we find feelings of loneliness and abandonment. I would like to convey to every mother that it is impossible to fully accept your child, even if you have been in therapy for years. And this is absolutely normal if, due to some negative feelings, you somehow treated your child unfairly. Trauma is inevitable, but trauma is a force. Seeing his mother in different moods and behavior, the child “tastes” life. The world does not accept us unconditionally; we need hardening. The difference between relationships with the world and mom is that mom is able to explain what comes with her. Mom is able to ask for forgiveness for some wrong decision. No, mom will not become ideal from this, but on the contrary, she will transform into a living and real one. The world is different. And this is exactly what every mother should show. In conclusion, I want to say to all mothers. If such a situation has already occurred, then the first thing is a wake-up call that it’s time to show concern for your Inner Child. When explaining to your child why you did this, do not forget to conduct a dialogue with the Child inside. Even if you were not loved, abandoned or accepted, this does not mean that you cannot give love to yourself. Trauma is where the Inner Critic transforms into a Loving Parent.