Often divorced people in consultations, along with their problems and requests, proclaim different relationships with their ex-spouses. For example: “we still communicate, support each other, we have lived and acquired so much,” or “we communicate as friends,” or “we inevitably must communicate, we have children together,” or even “so what, we’re dating , and we even have sex, but what’s wrong with that?” There are many options for motivating communication with ex-spouses. But sometimes it is the relationship with an ex that is the source of psychological problems, especially when building new relationships. So, the question is: What do you consider acceptable communication models and motivations for ex-spouses? The whole point here is where you place the meaningful, logical, “spiritual” emphasis. EX-husband. Or an ex-SPOUSE. These are, first of all, the models and motivations of psychologically mature, adult people for whom the marital relationship is completely completed. Motivations may be different. People can have a common hobby (for example, associated with a certain creative team), people can work in the same company and simply be interesting to each other as individuals. In the situation of a new relationship between former spouses, the ex must understand his new, changed place in the life of the one who used to be his spouse. Of course, if he is given this place. It often happens that a place is given to him. But he doesn’t understand this or stubbornly doesn’t want to understand. And if he does not understand this, then it is quite appropriate to put him out, that is, to deprive him of any place at all. But this is where the unhealthy needs of the “main character” often come into play: to feel sorry, to support, to look again and again with narcissistic dramaturgy for the reasons why he became an ex... In general, hello to Karpman! There is nothing special if ex-spouses meet and talk. But at least for the characters in the new relationship, all this should not be traumatic. For example, caring for children is the responsibility of spouses, including ex-spouses. And daily messages like Hello, Good Morning, Good Night, Love, Remember, Kisses, and even in the presence of a new partner - this is already beyond the scope of ex-spouses. As you know, in every couple there are certain stages in the formation of relationships. It is obvious that the divorced couple has not yet reached the point of love, and the awareness of love has only come now. And they would be together, they would go through all the stages of a relationship, and everything would work out for them, wouldn’t it? Otherwise, it turns out that new relationships are just relationships at the stage of love, passion. And the point is not even that ex-spouses write to each other, but that some of them have a need to respond to such messages that destroy new relationships. Then 3 questions naturally arise. Isn’t the divorced spouse deceiving himself (and the new partner) by entering into a new relationship without ending the old one? If everything is wonderful in the new relationship, why then is such a close connection with the ex-spouse necessary, which reflects “openness” “doors to past relationships? And if there is a need for such close, one might say, intimate communication with a former spouse, even in the presence of a current partner, then why did these spouses get divorced and why then did they enter into a new relationship? All these experiences are the responsibility of the bearer of the status of the ex-spouse, but in no case the responsibility of the new partner. The new partner acts here as a marker of the completion of the relationship between the exes. Because when it appears, especially when the ex is dissatisfied with the new relationship, the ex-spouses paradoxically become closer. But at the same time, they keep a certain distance that suits both of them. And in this case, the new partner in the relationship is perceived as a banal lover(s). If a new partner leaves the relationship, the ex will once again have nothing to talk about. And the maturity of the new partner is determined by the fact that in this situation he will assign a place to the former spouse of the object of his relationship, or will leave this triangle.?