There are different sciences in the world, But I want to ask the sciences - Who can tell me how to treat separations? How to save my soul from separations? Where does this power lurk, In the middle of forests or fields, So that separation blows away? from my soul and from yours? And the sage said to these speeches, Honoring his prophetic honor: - If they are looking for something in every meeting, Then there is something in separation too... S.G. Pillar 1. People usually perceive separation negatively, and this is not surprising. After all, when we part with a person dear to us for some time, we experience a whole range of feelings - sadness, pain, melancholy, etc.. Sometimes these feelings become heavy and difficult to bear. The first desire in this case is to quickly get rid of separation, from unpleasant and tormenting feelings. Find yourself in a time and place where there will be no more separation and a long-awaited meeting will take place. I would like to think about whether separation (which occurs for a certain time) can be useful and how to live it. It is to live, being in every moment of your life - filling it, not filling it. According to Wikipedia, separation is living, being away, apart from someone or something. Whereas separation can be understood as including the completion or termination of a relationship. I wonder where the separation is? Inside of me? Inside you? Or are we apart? What role does she play and how much space does she occupy in the relationship? If separation is only within one, experienced by one, then it will not be able to become that unifying link from which two could benefit. It seems to me that, despite the paradox, separation can unite. And if it is treated with trust and openness, it can bring certain gifts. 2. Sometimes in Society you can hear the following advice: - Don’t think about separation, be distracted by something; - You need to think positively and everything will be fine; - Temporary separation is not a reason for sadness; - There is no need to be sad; I think, by and large, such “persuasions” do not help. And a person who is experiencing separation may have the impression that he is not understood. And this can only make his condition worse. It is possible to overcome sadness. But is it necessary? If a person is dear, then you experience different deep feelings for him. Which need to be recognized and given space, without trying to explain to yourself at the level of logic that the separation will not last long, and it will stop over time. The persuasion of logic is powerless against sensory sensations. It is important to stop looking for any explanations that help devalue the experience of separation. By devaluing experiences, a grieving person devalues ​​himself and his feelings. By belittling, he may feel bad. By experiencing pain in separation, a person protects himself from even more severe pain that could arise if there was no relationship. In this case, he is driven by the motive of wanting a fulfilled life next to another. And in this sense, separation is “emptiness in the place of former bliss, saturated with longing for the inaccessible” (E. Ermolova). The pain of separation is contrasted with nothingness and serves as living proof of the value and importance of relationships with others. P. Ruhl writes: “Human pain is a vital movement, a phenomenon of life, which should be understood as a force of attraction and passionate desire.” In order to truly face separation, she needs to open up without trying to defend herself or appear vulnerable. 3. What feelings can you experience during separation: - Strongly negatively colored, and it seems to me more connected with the personality of the person experiencing separation and his inner world: Dejection, despair, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, pain, powerlessness, helplessness, confusion, apathy, uncertainty , impatience, loneliness; - Associated with the process of experiencing separation: Sadness, sadness, melancholy, grief; - Helping and facilitating the experience of separation: Patience, humility, acceptance; - Pleasant feelings: Love, warmth, joy, gratitude, inspiration, trust, hope , happiness. Strongly negative feelings and their intensity willdepend on the inner world of a person, his sensitivity and individual characteristics. For example, a person who has previously had a negative experience of parting with another, of insecurity, of not feeling his inner worth, will experience these feelings more painfully. And vice versa, a person who has experience in trusting relationships will experience the separation sadly, but without taking much personally. Indeed, in a sense, separation in our life awakens, consciously or unconsciously, all previous separations and partings. And it’s important not to let past less-than-successful experiences influence your present relationships. In some cases, including due to fear of intimacy, a person may even better accept the experience of “difficult” feelings than admit the presence of “good” ones, which indicate that the person is very dear. In any case, the presence of any strong feelings will indicate value and connection with the separated one. Or it may be that people are separated and the other does not experience any feelings, but their physical well-being is deteriorating and they are having bad dreams. The more feelings are lived and accepted at a conscious level, the less likely it is to retreat into bodily symptoms and worsen the condition. When we push away and do not accept our feelings, they will accumulate energy and can break out in a completely unsightly form and at the wrong time.. A feeling of sadness can connect with a loved one, create a sense of belonging. A person tries in any way to establish a connection with the separated. The stronger the feeling of sadness, the stronger the desire for intimacy with the person. Sadness creates a feeling of the presence of another, even in such an unusual form. And as an extreme form, depression can arise, which D. Kalshed understands “as imperfect love. Inability to express feelings." 4. In separation, it is important to accept what cannot be changed at the moment or changed at all. Separation is a state of great uncertainty and anxiety that you need to accept and not try to fight with them. The more uncertainty, the more anxiety. Concerns should be caused by anxiety that is inadequate to the situation of separation and/or affecting other areas of a person’s inner world. For example, when a person’s self-esteem may decrease due to severe anxiety. In separation, it is necessary to accept limitations: time, distance. Don’t pretend that they don’t exist, but rather put them at the forefront. Act and build relationships based on this limitation. In this case, you come to understand your limitations, but also your capabilities. Yes, I can’t be near someone close to me right now. What can I do then? I can't be close, but I can be close. Parting helps us understand the value of the other: “Sometimes it happens that life separates two people only to show both how important they are to each other.” 5. It is easier to cope with separation when experiencing a feeling of togetherness. You can build relationships at a distance: discuss, negotiate, bring more clarity. As an unknown author said: “Distance is not so scary when it is in kilometers of the earth, and not in kilometers of the soul.” Strives to ensure that a meeting occurs - when you talk on the phone, Skype, or write letters. Shares how everyone lives and how partners cope with separation, discuss joint expectations and plans. Provide support, attention and understanding so that partners can feel each other. Show patience and cooperation in experiencing difficulties. Due to the fact that communication becomes somewhat limited (when you write messages, you may not accurately express your thoughts as if you had said them; you speak on the phone, but the interlocutor does not see you, etc..). Misunderstandings may occur, so it is necessary to clarify and ask the other again, even if it becomes offensive and you want to close down and avoid communication. A person perceives only a limited amount of information through verbal communication (speech), and we receive its important components non-verbally (through).