The archetype of the Phoenix bird became my healing metaphor, at the stage of a critical transition from the severe course of the viral disease coronavirus, complicated by bilateral pneumonia, to the stage of recovery. Metaphor not only reflects life, but also creates it. The psychology of living with the disease, in conditions of little knowledge of the COVID 19 virus, is studied by specialist doctors and the human body at the biological and mental levels. How do the body and psyche react to the invasion of the virus and its presence in the body?! My sensations, feelings, emotions, images, dreams, thoughts and searches for resources during the period of illness and recovery. These are the moments you live when you seem to be cleansed and reborn. This is how the system of life works, when every significant difficulty takes us through it. Here is a visualization of my Phoenix, which helped me metaphorically make a psychological reboot and find a resource for recovery (photo shop technology, color and shape selections). A metaphor is like a lamp on the path from the unconscious to awareness and acceptance of what is happening, adaptation and search for resources in the language of symbols and archetypes. Erich Fromm wrote about the language of symbols and the understanding of its meaning: “this is a language with the help of which internal experiences, feelings and thoughts take the form of clearly tangible events in the external world. It is the only universal language invented by mankind, the same for all cultures throughout history, which must be understood if you want to understand the meaning of myths, fairy tales and dreams.” The ability to understand this language allows us to come into contact with the deep levels of our own personality. In this article, I share my experience of psychological experiences, sensations at the level of physicality, spiritual and social perception of what is happening to me in the period from April 19, 2020 to mid-May. A control CT scan (computed tomography) of the lungs is scheduled for May 13 and waiting for the result of the third test for coronavirus . My whole family got sick. Symptoms of influenza and acute respiratory viral infections demonstrated themselves at the physical level like bright fireworks. As if jokingly among ourselves, we said that we could easily get over the coronavirus, simply feeling on an intuitive level that it was this particular virus, although there was no confirmation. For no more than 3-4 days the temperature was 38', my sons were 26 years old, 21 years old, and my mother was 70 years old. And only my body decided to keep the temperature from 38.9' to 39.9' for more than 2.5 weeks. My turn in this chain is No. 3, exactly a week after my eldest child got sick, three days later my mother got sick. Three days after me, my youngest son had a fever and, like the rest of the family, he began to recover, without any complications. My first viral week at home from April 19 to 24 was in anticipation that now, like everyone else, relief would come and the temperature would begin to “drop,” the body aches would go away, taste would appear and I would smell... Alas, the body lived at its own rhythm and the dynamics of biological and mental reactions. The therapist came back for an examination and diagnosed a complication, right-sided pneumonia, changed the antibiotics, but there was no improvement. They did not take tests for coronavirus in the Moscow region (Kraskovo, Lyubertsy district), citing that they take only those who were in direct contact. The doctor said all the hospitals are overcrowded, you will treat pneumonia at home. If you want to live, drink everything you prescribed and drink more fluids. Natural selection is underway. Everything was said in an alarming voice, and I got the feeling that the doctor was more frightened than I, like the patient who heard it. After she left, I “broke up”, I cried, either from self-pity, or from helplessness, uncertainty and the inability to maintain control over events. The whole spectrum of psychological patterns has emerged, but there is no strength or desire to conduct introspection and look for options for action. A veil of apathy and incomprehensible sadness began to cover me, from hopelessness or lack of understanding, but what can I do... A feeling in the body and soul,that I am beginning to smolder and I need an internal resource that will help cope with bodily sensations and psychological “fever”, stress, because... the brain tried to calculate possible scenarios, completely chaotic with the bustle of thoughts. I clung to options that required additional consultations with specialist doctors, registration of movements due to absences and other fuss for which I did not have the energy and strength. The injection that the doctor gave stopped working and I started to feel feverish again, a headache began, and the temperature rose. Anxiety and irritation grew. Shortness of breath began, which created fear, or a feeling that I did not want to identify. I took all the prescribed medications, according to the regimen, but alas, nothing seemed to help. I realized that I would have to save myself on my own, I needed to urgently take action. Having become as determined as possible to fight for health, with the last of my strength, on the advice of a friend, I signed up for the MEDSI clinic (well, there is a VHI pole), for an appointment with a pulmanologist and to undergo a CT scan (computed tomography) of the lungs. Luckily, the next day they brought me to the clinic, and the temperature was jumping higher and higher, already 38.9, there they urgently took me to a therapist, who quickly conducted a CT scan, where they already showed bilateral pneumonia. Thanks to the therapist, I was hospitalized by ambulance at the hospital at the Institute. Sechenov. And it’s nice that they applied for compulsory medical insurance, because there was no such option for voluntary medical insurance, I didn’t plan on hospitalization and I couldn’t predict this. I am very grateful to my main employer, MIR INSTRUMENTA LLC, where I have been working as director of organizational development for more than 11 years, the company was ready to bear all the costs of treatment. Treatment in this case is no different from compulsory medical insurance and voluntary medical insurance; everything is selected individually, depending on the course of the disease and complications. Good treatment and the presence of specialists are important, because... Medical personnel also tend to get sick. Many thanks to the President of the International Professional Association of Psychologists Olga Borisovna Khlebodarova for organizing psychological support from the MPAP community: https://vk.com/wall-182075984_683 and on my own behalf. Kind words and signs of attention, even if they are on a social network, always warm up in such a situation and allow you to feel the psychological and social support of colleagues in the professional community. Simple human attention is a great value. Since April 25, I have been undergoing treatment in a specialized hospital. Of course, being under the supervision of specialists, anxiety immediately decreased. Everything is more or less clear: they install systems, give injections, pills - this carries its necessary load at the chemical level, helping the body cope with the virus and its consequences. Tests are taken every day, sometimes I wonder how much blood is analyzed... At some point, in the first week of illness, the attention and curiosity from co-workers and friends turned out to be a big challenge for me. Of course, I understand that the situation with coronavirus is the topic of the day, and many people were humanly concerned about my health. But at that moment, in my body with a temperature of more than 39', I just wanted peace, silence, solitude and something else that I couldn’t even understand and feel. The state when there was apathy, everything and everyone irritated me. My “inner child” was capricious, grumbling, could not find harmony and consolation... My brain tried to find a resource in memories, mentally moving to places where I felt good and comfortable. But it was deserted, lonely, cold... Despair began, because the past could not provide the resource for restoration, the energy to find the necessary flow, as it had been before. The temperature remained for a long time and did not want to drop. I slept poorly, in fits and starts, every time I had dreams, after which I woke up with the feeling that energy and strength were leaving me. The only pattern in all dreams is that every time I was left with the feeling that man, nature and the universe have an interconnection and clues for solving health problems,life tasks. And there is energy that can come to the rescue. The Phoenix bird, as a metaphor, was not yet fully realized at that moment by the resource that an emotional and mental rebirth was required. From the depths of the subconscious came visions in the form of dreams. First dream: I am in a space where there is a house in which everything is subject to its own laws. The system of this space is integrated in such a way that everything is absorbed and develops according to some of its own rules. These rules are not familiar to me, so that they can be easily integrated into this system, and I don’t feel or see any logical clues. Everything around produces, absorbs, utilizes, exchanges something. The brain doesn’t want to think or feel, I just observe and “float with the flow of what’s happening around me.” I feel that I am tired of the bustle of thoughts. Then in my dream I see a tree with fig fruits. A fig tree with fruits that I really like, I eat one fig and feel that the ground under the tree is swallowing me, the roots are wrapping around me and pulling me down. The more I move, the more I am pulled underground. Slight bewilderment about what is happening to me, slow thoughts. Panic doesn’t have time to overwhelm me when something begins to move under me and on its back pulls me over the fence, away from the tree. This is some kind of dinosaur, perhaps a bronzesaurus, something from the ancient world. He seems to have the knowledge of how to move in such a space. He is not swallowed up by the earth, it is as if he himself is part of this entire energy field. Further behind, I hear a strange growl, turn around and see a bared lynx, no fear, just a cold mind. I raise my hand up and from somewhere out of thin air I take the second lynx and place it next to the first. They turn their attention to each other. I feel easy and calm. Reflecting on how interesting nature and possibilities are, change the situation with the power of thought. At this moment I wake up. I feel a little better. The temperature dropped from 39.8' to 38.5'. I fall into half sleep again, waking up periodically. And here I am again in a dream. Second dream: I’m standing at a crossroads, where the military with transparent shields are trying to push all the people behind the fence, saying that this is better for you, and people are dancing, singing and resisting. I ask you to allow me to see what will happen here. I am allowed to stay in front of the fence. And now I see that the sky is becoming cloudy, everything around is beginning to be covered, either with white snow, or with an incomprehensible white mass... Outwardly, this is not a pleasant picture. In the distance, lights begin to flicker and, as in the pictures, they depict “death - crowds of skeletons with a scythe” of different ages, begin to approach and run very quickly along the road, and in the sky, above the crowd, rushes on a broomstick, a woman with a cold face, sparkling cornflower blue eyes in a shimmering blue dress. I ask: what is this? She indifferently answers: - not up to you, go away .And looks ahead in front of him, as if he is in a hurry to do what he has planned. This whole procession quickly sweeps by in a blue wave, with a roar, carrying away and grabbing with it... that I don’t see, only a dark whirlwind, like a tornado. I look at all this through transparent shields that are silently frozen. The military men stand motionless, as if they are stiff and their faces are white as a sheet, not alive, and then they will begin to crumble like cracked sculptures, and behind them will be those people who are closest to the military. I feel bewilderment, cold calm, a thought comes and a question to myself - what can I do for them?! I see and feel everything, and they stand like pillars of salt. And again I wake up, covered in sweat. When I wake up, I feel tired and feel like I need to be reborn again, and then I remember the Phoenix bird. At this stage, I am not yet ready to decay and begin to grow again, I don’t have enough strength, again I feel like I’m “floating with the flow,” watching... I fall asleep again. Third dream: I finally find myself in my grandmother’s house, which has always been a great resource for me. When I had a dream where I was in the house or nearby, then waking up, I felt a surge of strength and energy. Now, in a dream, I was looking and could not find this energy; I met deceased relatives who had also been in this house.I saw my great-grandmother Anastasia Fedorova, whom I asked to be allowed to stay and resettle in the house, and she said that I needed to leave. I had a small child in my arms, a girl who was afraid of everyone and was aiming hard for me. I had to agree, although I spent a long time trying to persuade him to at least spend the night. She said that you can cook delicious food at home, and my great-grandmother said to eat in a cafe, I thought, it’s somehow strange how she knows that there is a cafe and why she doesn’t want to feed me here, I was offended. I noticed that in the room there is a beautiful wooden two-door wardrobe, at the bottom of which there are two lower chest drawers. I became curious, I opened it and saw that inside it was decorated with beautiful colored plush upholstery, fabric with a colored pattern. There are no clothes in it, just an empty hanger. I was delighted!.. Once again I asked to stay, seeing that there was a child’s sleeping place, a crib with embroidered bedspreads. I turned to the child, who was holding on tightly to me: “Look how well you sleep here!? And I had to leave the house, realizing that it was empty and that what I was looking for was not there. I walked away with the child and woke up. The temperature began to rise again. I began to feel despair that I had not found a resource place. Then I decided that I would invent this place and it would not be from the past, but from the future. Let this be my fairy tale. And I began to fantasize. She called the fairy tale: “The Straw Hat.” “And so... on the open terrace of a country house, in a straw hat, an elderly woman, about 95 years old, was sitting on a rocking chair and was dozing sweetly, periodically waking up, spying on what was happening around... A lock of hair came out from under the hat, with which the breeze played, now throwing it on the tip of her nose, now watching how the grandmother, with her eyes slightly open, checked what was happening... The birds sang sweet spring songs, as if they wanted to sweeten the sleep of the old woman in a straw hat. There was a wooden tea table nearby. There was a vase on the table. with dried apricots, raisins, dates and prunes. A poured cup of black tea with thyme slowly and enchantingly shared its aroma and cooled down. The hot stream danced over the cup, some kind of whimsical dance, not paying attention to the playful breeze that tried to disrupt the rhythm of the hot movement. suddenly a bumblebee began buzzing over the table, trying to find a landing area. It was lured by the sweet aroma of tea, raisins and dried apricots... - Something tasty... We urgently need to refresh ourselves!.. At the same time, an ant made its way onto the table. , who also smelled the aroma of sweet raisins. Not paying attention to the bumblebee, he got to the vase, threw the raisins on the table and began to roll them over to deliver the prey to the anthill. The bumblebee sat down on the edge of the vase, next to the dried apricots, and, clutching its bumblebee nose, began to fill itself with dried apricot juice. At that moment, nothing attracted him other than the desire to taste more of the sweet taste of the yellow berry. The breeze playing with the grandmother’s curl again pulled her out of her slumber, and she, opening her eyes, began to watch what was happening on the tea table. She smiled, sat more comfortably in the rocking chair, and then saw that another guest had come to her tea table. The nimble sparrow deftly picked up the raisins with its beak and flew away. He rejoiced at the spoils and thought he should remember this place where he could enjoy such a wonderful meal. The tea has probably cooled down to the right temperature, and it’s time for me to despair, my grandmother thought. After my guests, is there a piece of dried apricots and dried fruits for tea in the vase for me?! Smiling, she took a porcelain cup with her thin fingers and began drinking tea with raisins and dried apricots. She first straightened her curl so that the breeze would not distract her with its playful play. The straw hat gave grandma a special charm and protected her from the sun, which was gaining strength towards noon. The tea with thyme moved into the grandmother’s stomach, she looked into the distance, remembering something sweetly, smiling from the corners of her eyes. There was no need to rush anywhere, you could pleasantly and calmly contemplate nature, silence, listen.