From the author: The reporting point during a breakup, which will help you return to normal life, is the recognition of the fact of the breakup. It is impossible to look to the future if the past does not let go. Of course, to get over a breakup, it’s not enough to just come to terms with the loss of the relationship. Don’t indulge yourself with the illusion that everything will pass right now and at once. Breaking up is a process that will take some time and effort. This article will talk about how to help yourself look at the situation soberly and accept that the relationship no longer exists. What to do if your loved one has left? How to let the person you love out of your life? Where to start to help yourself get over a breakup? Each of us at least once in our lives has been faced with the situation of breaking up with a loved one. Regardless of who initiated the separation, a break in a relationship is always experienced very painfully. It is especially difficult to immediately accept the fact that you are no longer together and it is impossible to revive the relationship. This will take you some time, and perhaps some confirmation regarding your new status as “free from a relationship.” At first, there really is a denial of the fact of separation. Thoughts flash through my head: “this can’t be”, “this couldn’t happen to me”, “he/she was joking, he’s just testing me”, “this is just a pause in the relationship”, etc. In the first 2-3 days after your loved one leaves you, denial will act on you like a pain reliever. This will give you the opportunity to cope with the unbearable pain of losing a loved one and something important to yourself. After all, along with the relationship, you also lose your hopes, expectations, and jointly built plans for the future. However, if you haven’t stopped trying to get your loved one back for more than several weeks, or even months - calling him/her, looking for meetings - then you are stuck at this stage, in this state of denial. You need to understand that stopping attempts to return the relationship, stopping hopes for his return will allow you to quickly set a starting point for returning to normal life. To make it easier for you to accept the departure of your loved one as a given, try to separate illusions from facts. You can make a list of specific actions of your partner that confirm your idea that you remain in the relationship. A case from practice. Client Tatyana, 38 years old. Tatyana sought advice after her common-law husband left her. They lived together for 7 years. During this time they diverged and came back together several times. At the time of the first consultation, three months had passed when the man announced his final decision to leave, and they went to different apartments. The client could not believe that the relationship was completely broken off and continued to believe that the man would definitely return. Although the facts indicated the opposite: they did not live together and, moreover, went to different apartments; with the client after the man announced his decision to leave, he did not communicate; the man was already living with another woman at that time; another woman was pregnant by this man, and they submitted an application to the registry office. Despite the fact that during consultations we each time debunked the illusory nature of such hopes, she was able to come to terms with the departure of her common-law husband only when he married another woman. This is how she talked about this: “Yesterday was my husband’s wedding, I cried all day. But after the wedding, everything became a little calmer, I don’t react to it so strongly, but I still can’t believe it. I can’t understand how he could forget everything so quickly and start a new life. But now I treat this as something irreversible, like death, for example.” This event became a key moment for Tatyana in accepting the reality of breaking up with her former common-law husband. Of course, in order to finally get over the breakup, she still had to face her pain, live through the explosive cocktail of resentment, anger, shame, work on her mistakes in these!