- “I want to suggest you,” here the woman pulled out several bright and snow-wet magazines from her bosom, “to take a few magazines in favor of the children of Germany. Fifty dollars apiece. “No, I won’t take it,” Philip Philipovich answered briefly, glancing sideways at the magazines. Complete amazement was expressed on their faces, and the woman was covered with a cranberry coating. “Why are you refusing?” “I don’t want to.” “You don’t sympathize with the children of Germany?” I sympathize. - Do you regret fifty dollars? - No. - So why? - I don’t want to. This dialogue is from the famous “Heart of a Dog” by M. Bulgakov. Professor Preobrazhensky here is an illustration of an intelligent person who uses assertiveness in his life. Assertiveness is the ability to defend oneself, one’s own interests, opinions, rights, desires, communicate about them directly and frankly, but at the same time correctly, showing respect for others, without hurting without offending the feelings of others, without denying their rights. So, what is an assertive person like? You can recognize him by the following signs: adequately and consciously perceives himself and others; calm internally and externally; correctly evaluates his actions; purposeful; sincerely expresses his feelings; defends his own boundaries and respects others; listens carefully; maintains eye contact with the interlocutor; responds fully for the manifestation of his feelings; knows how to disidentify with the feelings of others. Why be assertive? By developing our own assertiveness, we can improve our “self-image,” gain confidence and strengthen our sense of self-worth. Thus. we defend our rights, express our thoughts, desires and feelings directly, openly. As an assertive person, we act without unnecessary worry or guilt, respect ourselves and others, and take responsibility for our actions and choices. We begin to clearly understand our needs. When we receive a refusal, we may feel sad or disappointed, but our self-perception is not clouded. An assertive person does not rely too much on the approval of other people and feels safe and confident in himself. An assertive person can show others how they would like to be treated. Therefore, if you are assertive, you are self-sufficient. M. Smith in his book “Self-Confidence Training” cites the so-called assertive rights, as well as manipulative prejudices that block these rights: I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts and emotions and be responsible for their consequences Manipulative prejudice: I should not unceremoniously and evaluate yourself and your behavior independently of others. In reality, it is not me who should evaluate and discuss my personality in all cases, but someone more sophisticated and authoritative. I have the right not to apologize or explain my behavior. Manipulative bias: I am responsible for my behavior to other people, it is desirable that I report to them and explain everything that I do, apologize to them for my actions. I have the right to independently consider whether I am at all or to some extent responsible for solving other people's problems. Manipulative bias: I have more responsibilities to some institutions and people than to myself. It is advisable to sacrifice my own dignity and adapt. I have the right to change my opinion Manipulative bias: If I have already expressed some point of view, I should never change it. I would have to apologize or admit that I was wrong. This would mean that I am not competent and unable to decide. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for my mistakes. Manipulative bias: I am not allowed to make mistakes, and if I make any mistake, I should feel guilty. It is desirable that I and my decisions be controlled. I have the right to say: “I don’t know.” Manipulative bias: I wish I could answer any question. I have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others and their good attitude towards me. Manipulative prejudice: It is desirable that people treat me well, that they love me, I need them. I.