From the author: Regular author of the magazines “Happy Parents” and “Psychology” Hysterics, whining or stubborn refusals to follow your requests are a real test for parental patience. These are those forms of children's behavior that, when faced with which we adults feel helpless, angry... and just want it to stop as soon as possible. But since these methods of influencing parents are typical for young children, it will not be possible to avoid a “collision”. Therefore, you need to understand the reasons for this behavior, and most importantly, understand how best to react when your child “overflowed its banks.” During dinner, four-year-old Sonya picked the chicken in her plate with a fork, ignored the vegetables and blew bubbles in a glass of juice. Now she demands ice cream. The answer is obvious, right? But no. She folded her arms and batted her eyelashes: “You are the best mother in the world. Well, please!” A terrible combination of whining and begging. I gave up. Again. A story familiar to most mothers, isn’t it? Like many children, Sonya got what she wanted by using behavior that had worked in the past. Feeling well the pliability of his mother, skillfully combining a plaintive voice with elements of drama. This is one of several key methods children use to get their way. And if Sonya’s mother had not given up so quickly, the matter would have ended in tears, or even hysteria. Usually it is the fear of a stormy scene that forces one to take the path of least resistance. However, this does not mean that you are doomed to always give in; There are several basic strategies to help manage challenging behavior.Terrible TantrumsIn the midst of a tantrum, your child is the epitome of grief. He throws himself on the floor, stomping his feet, wringing his hands and screaming in a voice you barely recognize. Almost all children between one and three years old resort to tears and screaming, which can shake your determination to insist on observing the regime or any rules. 60-80% of children aged 2-3 years have tantrums at least once a week, and 20% have tantrums every day. What is behind it Little children throw tantrums for one reason: they are unhappy with something. But their vocabulary and communication skills are not yet advanced enough to tell what is wrong. In addition, children do not yet have access to control over emotions, so they cannot “slow down” on their own. How to stop it It is impossible to do without tantrums completely; they are a natural part of a child’s development. But if you want fewer of them, learn to recognize the warning signs of an emotional storm. Before it breaks out, you have a chance to help your baby not break into hysterics. You can try to distract a younger child, but try to say to an older and more reasonable child: “I feel that you are very unhappy and are going to cry properly. Let's find a way to calm down." Children are very susceptible to the emotional state of their parents, and sensing your calm confidence, the baby will most likely change his mind about making a scene. Remember, the worst thing you can do is give in every once in a while. Then the child will think that if he makes a loud enough scandal, he can defeat you. Therefore, the next time your baby screams and rolls on the floor, try this strategy: stay calmly nearby, without blaming or voicing your position (in a state of hysterics, the baby will not hear you). If he does not calm down within a few minutes, pick him up and hold him tightly to you, this method is called holding. Even if the child arches and squirms, hold him without scolding or calling him to order. At this moment, you play the role of an inhibition mechanism, which is not yet sufficiently developed due to the immaturity of the nervous system. As soon as the baby calms down and becomes limp, wash him and give him water to drink. And only when he calms down can you discuss his behavior. The faster the hysterics stop, the sooner this type of reaction will become a thing of the past. Never ignore a child in a statetantrums, don't leave him alone. This will mean that you are punishing him for being small and unable to control his emotions. You should also avoid situations that could lead to hysteria. You already know that every time you come to a toy store with your baby, he cannot resist and begins to beg to buy him a toy. Therefore, either do not take it with you at all, or agree in advance on the purpose of the trip. Say, “We're going to the toy store to buy a birthday present for your friend, but we won't buy anything else there. If you want a new toy, tell me what it is and I’ll put it on your birthday list.” Don't forget that tantrums most often happen when a child is tired or hungry. When leaving home, make sure your child is well rested and take some snacks with you. If he throws more than three tantrums a day, or if they last more than 15 minutes, this is already a reason to contact a child psychologist. Endless “no” “Let's put on our shoes.” - "No". “Do you want to go to the park?” - "No". “Do you know any other words besides “no”? - "No". When did your adorable baby manage to turn into a Negative? Children begin to defiantly and persistently say “no” between the ages of 15 and 18 months and can continue in the same vein until they are three years old or even longer. What is behind this? Babies want to have at least some control over their lives. Their dependent position and the need to follow parental rules are perceived by them as emotional pressure. The ability to influence anything at this age is limited, and “no” becomes the main weapon. Resistance does not require a large vocabulary or the ability to justify your point of view. The child expresses his will and thus establishes himself as a person with his own desires and opinions. But due to immaturity, he can only do this in the form of denial. How to stop it The main way to defeat the Master of Denials is to compose your phrases so that the child has a choice. Do you want to ask your daughter to put on her shoes? Say, “You can wear your blue or brown shoes. Which ones will you choose? If a child says: “I want candy,” but you don’t want him to indulge in sweets, instead of refusing, say: “You’ll get candy after dinner, but now you can eat an apple or a cracker.” Allowing your child to choose a treat, even if the choice is limited, will help him feel like he has something to do with it. Also, make sure that you don’t say “no” all the time. Save this word for serious occasions, when the child’s safety depends on it: “No, you can’t touch the stove. No, you cannot cross the street without an adult escort.” If you manage to say “no” only in such situations, the child will understand that what you are saying is quite serious. Endless whining When children nasally, drag out vowels and make a very unhappy face for greater impression, they seem the most unbearable and ill-mannered. Whining usually begins at the age of 3: the child whines, repeating his request over and over again. However, the better the baby’s speech is developed, the more opportunities he has to express his desires without resorting to whining. Still, this behavior can stick for some time if the child feels that this tactic is successful. What is behind it Like tantrums, whining is a natural way for a child to express dissatisfaction. By age three, he is developed enough to control his impulses and not fall on the floor, but may not yet have developed the ability to argue back and draw logical conclusions. In other words, he may know quite a lot of words, but does not yet know how to use them effectively. And even some already well-spoken children resort to whining if they are hungry, tired or offended by something. Whining is an easy way to add drama to whatever your child is trying to tell you. And endless moaning is a powerful weapon, it is very difficult to resist and not give up. How to stop it Hug your child and say: “I see that you are very upset now.” Maybe.