HOW WE GIVE A CHILD A DESTINY! Store windows are full of bright toys, comfortable and fashionable children's clothing, and healthy food for babies. This gives current and future mothers peace of mind that all this will help them make their children healthy and happy. But have you ever thought about the question: “Why do you need to have a child?” This question causes confusion; it seems strange and absurd. However, psychologists say that people answer this question differently, and that this answer affects the future fate of the baby. So, one of the motives for having a child is continuation of the family name. According to psychologists, this attitude gives an adult an unconscious feeling of immortality: “I will leave, but my “blood” will continue to exist.” In this case, parents unconsciously demand that the child follow family traditions, adhere to the family way of life and principles. Often, in the case of the birth of only daughters, the father suggests that at least one of them keep her maiden name in marriage and give it to her grandchildren. The advantages of this parental approach are that the child feels his “roots”, has a sense of belonging to his family and security. However, such children are deprived of creativity and freedom of choice. They are conservative in planning their lives and evaluating other people. The most common lack of freedom that such children face in the future is the choice of profession (following in the footsteps of their father), appearance and behavior (my mother and I never allowed ourselves this), the choice of a future spouse (he/she cannot become a member of our family ), children's names (in honor of grandfather), choice of friends and even relationships with neighbors. So, one of my friends told me that in front of her mother-in-law she greeted one of her neighbors kindly. After this, a scandal broke out, since the mother-in-law, as it turned out, had not communicated with this woman for a long time, and the daughter-in-law, as a member of their family, should do the same. If a child in such a family refuses to continue the traditions of the clan, he will have big problems with his parents, often with his father. Since this confrontation manifests itself already at school age, it affects the formation of character. The child develops a feeling of not meeting the expectations of others, of not being accepted by his parents and even of dislike for him, and the response is either rebellion (if the child has a strong character) or pessimism and lack of self-confidence (if the child has a weak character and there is a lot of pressure on him). If he becomes a rebel, he can be found among avant-garde artists, among journalists exposing government activities, or among adherents of non-standard social movements - punks, rockers, bikers, etc. If he loses faith in himself, he will join the ranks of losers in business and love. Another common motive for having a child is the desire to conform to the norms of society. This motive can be formulated with the words “it’s supposed to”, “everyone has children and I should have one”, otherwise you won’t look like that in the eyes of others. Such a parent expects from the child compliance with social norms, a certain “statistical average”, that is, ordinary appearance, even behavior, respect for elders, and good studies. He would like the child not to create problems, but, on the contrary, to support his image with his “ideality”. It is difficult for such parents if the family receives a child with external flaws or genius in some area. It’s not easy for a child either. Feeling that parents focus on the external manifestations of a small family member, paying little attention to his inner world, the child learns not to bother adults with his personal problems. He has two lives: one for his parents, the second for himself. These two lives will not necessarily be too different, but as emotional and spiritual interlocutors he will choose not his parents, who rarely imagine what kind of music and why their boy loves or how he solves for himself the question of the meaning of their life.