I'm not a robot

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I'm not a robot

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Conflicts are inevitable, including with children. For me, the most important thing is not to defend my opinion, but to reconcile, to find a compromise in my relationship with my child. I often hear that there are many fears: losing authority, what if I give in, she will never listen to me, or will take it as a way to act this way, or... Let's move on to the practical part. Imagine yourself in the place of a child. Just like that, change places with him. How old is your child, what size is he? How does it feel? It’s unlikely that you would feel protected in front of a huge adult. Imagine you committed some kind of offense. You feel that you are wrong, because mom or dad are angry and scold you. You understand that you did the wrong thing, but what to do about it now? You don’t yet have experience in overcoming conflicts, you’re small, all you want now is to reconcile, return to the warm relationship that existed before, and jump into the future, where it’s calm. How would you like your parents to act in such a situation? Perhaps such a simple association game will help you find the best option for competent parental behavior and you can avoid the “who wins?” program, which is unlikely to resolve the conflict situation. I also suggest conducting an experiment. Choose a day when you will say only pleasant things to your loved ones, count how many times you wanted to say the opposite. Based on this experiment, we can conclude how often conflicts with children come from you personally and your inner state. If we talk about constructive ways to resolve conflicts for older children, then here is one option: “Both sides win: both parent and child.” Several steps: 1. Identify contradictions and problems. The parent’s position is important here; it is stable and not blaming; it is important to unite in finding a solution that suits both.2. Search and development of alternative solutions. At this stage, analysis of various solutions is important. Two heads are better than one. Let your child come up with a solution first. Give him time to think, especially if he is small. Avoid judgment and judgment. The more ideas you and I generate together, the more varied your choices will be in the future.3. Evaluation of the solutions reached. Unsuitable solutions are eliminated, leaving those that suit both parties.4. Selection and implementation of a solution. If you managed to go through all three stages, you were able to honestly exchange opinions, remember that you can try what you came to, but if it doesn’t suit you, you have the right to discuss it again and change the decision. It is important if everything was successful, voice that you have come to an agreement together. I would like to note on my own that following this algorithm is often difficult, because... We are all living people, with our own threshold of sensitivity and the ability to stop. If you are overwhelmed by emotions, there is a feeling that you are definitely not able to come to an agreement yet, you feel irritated, you are hurt by what your child said or did - give yourself time to cool down. The same time is important for the child. At the moment of hysteria, or a violent presentation of feelings, he, like any other person, will not be able to grasp the information that you want to convey. First of all, calm down both yourself and the child, then resolve the current situation. And of course it is important to take into account age characteristics. In order to persuade your child to do something, it is good to use imagination and play. And you won’t notice how the super hero is dismantling his planet (room), putting everything in its place, or the princess going to her fairy-tale palace to comb her hair and try on outfits. I will be glad to see your comments on the topic of conflicts with children and overcoming them. Share your methods.

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