A parent must, a parent is obliged, a parent should - this list can be continued indefinitely, and behind each of these points (underline as necessary) is the desire of the parent to correspond to the patterns given from the outside, according to which a certain ideal image is created, which is sometimes impossible to correspond to simply because it is initially far from reality. “And if I suddenly lost my temper and yelled at a child, maybe for him it will be exactly that traumatic experience that will determine his whole life,” and “if this happened more than once or twice,” and “if I I wasted time if all I did was lecture, forbid, and did not take into account his needs and feelings?” What's behind all this? The powerlessness of parents, their fear, uncertainty, feelings of inadequacy, which lead to increased neuroticism and, as a result, complicate their contact with the child. When talking about parental expectations, it is important to remember that they “work” in both directions and affect both the child himself , and the parent’s ideas about himself. “I thought that I would be the best mother in the world,” the client shares during the consultation, “I was sure that I would love my child no matter what. But then I encountered his whims, hysterics, disobedience - and I was overcome with anger, irritation, and rejection. And they were replaced by an overwhelming feeling of guilt. After all, I knew that this was impossible. After all, unconditional love does not imply such feelings.” Or does it? And where should they be sent then? On whom? Is it really possible to attack a child and cause him “irreparable harm”? First of all, it makes sense to stop and admit that these feelings simply exist. That you can love and at the same time experience the whole range of feelings that are inherent in a person. A parent may be angry, experience powerlessness, misunderstanding, and irritation simply because he is alive. And how exactly he deals with these feelings is an important experience for the child, which he receives in interaction with the parent. What if it suddenly happened that he “couldn’t restrain himself and shouted”? Admit your mistake and apologize, because this “truth happens.” Not formally, following a template of recommendations, but sincerely, being in contact with the child and helping him in experiencing his feelings. “You were probably confused, scared, surprised” - there can be many options, and they will depend on the specific situation, the specific child and his relationship with the parent. So should you follow the recommendations, read books, articles? Of course, this is worth doing, but at the same time it is important to stay in touch with reality, and view yourself not through the prism of the “ideal parent” who always succeeds (especially if you do it as prescribed), but how it is occurs in live interaction with a living child.