From the author: city newspaper "Our City", recommendations for parents What is your relationship with your adult children? Do you think that they are weak and helpless and cannot exist without your help? However, your help is not appreciated by the child, and once again it seems to you that you are being used and, what is most offensive, without asking your permission and forgetting to thank you for the service provided. More and more often it seems that you missed something when the children were children, you didn’t give something, you didn’t teach something. And you feel responsible for what else needs to be given, said, taught... Perhaps, on the contrary, you are friends like water, and you can’t imagine your life without them, because mom is the best friend who will always listen and understand, and the father is the best friend with whom there is always something to discuss, and the child does not make a single important decision in his life without consulting his parents. Probably, the answer to this question can be used to judge the level of maturity and independence of your child, his psychological age. Why am I asking you this. But because spring is the time to sum up the results in educational institutions: final exams, theses. Time to choose - where and what I will do in my life. It is on this choice that everyone’s future depends. Do you remember how often in fairy tales a young man leaves home in search of happiness? In general, this is some illustration of how a person, becoming an adult, can exist separately from his parents even in the most difficult conditions. - How is he doing? He won’t live, he won’t be able to cope! - What can he choose, he himself doesn’t know what he needs in life! - He’s still young, he’ll grow up and make a decision! With these phrases we code our child for failure, for failure, for weakness and inability to overcome life's obstacles. Continuing to lend our shoulder, helping and helping, despite the fact that the child has grown up enough, we disable him, turning him into a helpless dependent. Or maybe it’s a desire to feel important, needed, but is it really useful, I would even say it’s not safe. Above one of the Masurian lakes, on a huge tree, there was a heron’s nest. On the shore of the lake, people equipped a feeding trough, in which there was always fish. When the chicks hatched, the herons did not look for food in the lake - they used the feeder. A heron feeds its chicks by placing fish in its beak. But when the chicks grow up, they stop feeding them and are kicked out of their native nest so that they can find hunting grounds on their own. There, young herons build their own nests. In this case, there was no such need, so the chicks were fed until they became fully grown and found pairs for themselves. They added their nest to the nest of their parents, and they continued to feed, not only them, but also the new hatched chicks. So five generations of birds grew up, building a giant nest-commune on a tree near the feeder. The herons lived quietly, except that the now aged pair of herons, the founders of the clan, kept stuffing fish into the beaks of the heron children, heron grandchildren and great-grandchildren who had settled down on that very tree. The younger generation of birds never had the opportunity to learn how to get their own food. And why would they need it if they always brought it straight into their beak? After several years, a pair of old herons died. Following them, the entire bird family, unable to feed themselves, died of hunger... over a feeder full of fish. It’s the same in human life: in order to become successful, children must learn to get their daily bread on their own. Do not save your children from difficulties, do not decide for them THEIR problems. Dose his responsibility and independence depending on his age, increasing and increasing the share falling on his shoulders. An independently made decision, obstacle and difficulty overcome by a child will temper him, make him strong, resilient, this will bring him a feeling of satisfaction, self-confidence, pride in himself, and therefore will be the key to his successful life. Relationships with parents -.