Everything seemed to be going well, and you had already begun to get used to the idea that something serious might happen with this person. But, like a bolt from the blue, another woman drops out or he leaves for a reason completely incomprehensible to you. This situation is long and painful to experience. For several months, a woman has been experiencing a range of negative emotions. This is resentment, anger, bitter disappointment and devastation. In a situation where you have also passed your age... and a quiet but confident voice says: “Life goes on, the years go by, but where is your family, where is your home, when will you give birth and raise children?” What to do in such a situation, what to do? First, you need to understand the feelings you are experiencing. Understand to what circumstances this or that emotion applies. If you are grieving over a specific person with whom your relationship did not work out, this is one situation. Here you need to evaluate how much you want to return your former relationship, without falling into the illusion that, starting all over again, something will magically change (he, you, your relationship). If you decide that you still want this, then evaluate the real chances of realizing your plans. Taking into account the fact that your “ex” may have completely different plans. You also need to honestly answer the question of whether you can overcome the feeling of resentment (guilt). When you figure out the answers to these questions, something may become clearer, and maybe you will understand that you are not grieving about a specific person, but about your so-called “unfortunate lot.” But this is a completely different story and we need to get out of it by completely different means. Start by analyzing all your experiences with men. You must try to identify your typical behavior or actions that lead you to a result that does not suit you. The second step is to audit what you have. All your virtues and achievements, successful moments in life, moments of happiness and joy must be carefully collected, like precious beads, into a necklace of your self-esteem. The next step is to decide what you want. Not a generalized “so that everything is fine,” but specifically, point by point. It’s better to write it down and edit it a few days later: remove something, add something. Imagine that everything you want has already happened. Ask yourself if you're really okay with it or if there's something wrong. Be realistic. The conclusion will be to develop a plan for what to do about it and how to get out of it. Expecting everything to fix itself is setting yourself up for failure. I expect the usual excuse in such cases that I don’t have the strength, I can’t raise my hands for anything, I don’t want anything. Very simple techniques that you just need to do can help with a depressed and depressed state. Learn to relax. Methods can be found in literature, on the Internet, or by contacting a specialist. Do not deny yourself small pleasures and joys. Pay attention to everything good and positive that happens to you. It may be a little difficult at first, but gradually you will find that positive emotions will replace the bad mood. A very important point. Get rid of the idea of ​​proving (to no one knows who or why) that you were right. Make a choice: you want to be right or be happy. And, most importantly, remember that everyone builds their own life and a person always gets what he wants. Do you want to grieve and grieve for what you missed, or do you want to open your heart and let something new and beautiful in. Psychologist Marina Borisovna Vedishcheva June 2007