From the author: The article was written for the site “Hold me, straw, hold me! When there is a storm of twelve points around...” (quote from the song, lyrics by E. Shlionsky) Alone One of the needs that people come to a psychologist to satisfy is support. I think that each of us is familiar with the state of uncertainty, depression, disappointment, etc., when it is simply vital to cheer up, to receive confirmation of our “okayness”, our strength. Unfortunately, our lives are structured in such a way that a person needs support much more often than he can afford to see a specialist. Can everyone provide support? Many simply do not know how to do this, they do not know how to behave with a person with this need. Can you support another person yourself? Do you know how to support yourself? If you are interested in answers to these questions, then this article is for you! Let’s look at the etymology of the word “support”. This word has several meanings: 1. Action. 2. Approval. 3. Support for something. Indeed, when we need support, it is important for us that someone does something for us, serves as a support, helps us get back on our feet literally or figuratively, and expresses approval regarding something very important to us. In psychology, the need for support is explained by an unsatisfied need for love. “Love your neighbor,” says the Bible. So, support is one of the manifestations of love for one’s neighbor, even if it is a stranger. I decided to consider ways of support, based on Geri Chapman’s 5 love languages. The author suggested that each of us has our own love language in which we “talk” to our loved ones. In total, Gary Chapman counted 5 such languages: Words of support Quality time Receiving gifts Acts of service Physical touch Let's look at ways to provide support by speaking the language of love. “With a word you can kill, with a word you can save. With a word you can lead shelves” (Vadim Shefner) 1. WORDS OF SUPPORT include words of encouragement, kind words and requests. 1) Words of encouragement, praise “Praise loudly, but criticize quietly” (Eastern proverb) Very often we need support in those areas where we do not feel entirely confident. The word “encourage” carries the meaning of “to awaken courage.” To learn how to praise, you need to remember a few points: Be sincere. You want to believe words that come from the heart. Keep it in moderation, don’t go too far. Express gratitude if you feel so. Focus on the person’s positive qualities, abilities and successes. 2) Kind words “A kind word is also pleasant for a cat” (Proverb) Remember a parable about a sultan who had a dream that all his teeth fell out? Then the Sultan called his first vizier with a request to interpret his dream. The first vizier described the meaning of the dream in that all of the ruler’s relatives would die. The Sultan, in anger, ordered the execution of the first vizier and the bringing of the second. And the second vizier told the Sultan that he would outlive all his relatives. And for this he received an award. The important thing is HOW to speak: manner of speech, intonation, body language. 3) A request is a way to express your desires with support. Demands are perceived as an ultimatum. A request gives a choice, thereby confirming the value of another. 2. QUALITY TIME - the ability to distribute your time and devote part of it to others is one of the relevant human abilities, which relates to the basic ability to LOVE. Signs of spending quality time are proximity, quality conversation, quality activity. “Seeing you is one pleasure, but not seeing you is another” (proverb)1) Intimacy is precisely proximity, not proximity. Proximity is determined by focused attention on the interlocutor or on an object that is equally interesting to both. If you spend time with one person, and your attention is concentrated on something else (TV, magazine, telephone, computer, etc.), then this is unlikely to be support.Quality time means doing something with someone else and giving them all of your time. Actions give meaning to intimacy. 2) Quality conversation is first and foremost a dialogue that involves both words and active listening to the other. “Man is given two ears and one mouth, so that he listens two-thirds of his time and speaks one-third.” (Unknown author) In a quality conversation, it is important not just to listen, but also to HEAR your interlocutor. The main rule is not to give advice unless you are asked to do so. It is much more important for a person to know that he is understood. Let's highlight the main points of a quality conversation: Maintain eye contact with the interlocutor. This will show that your attention is completely focused on him. Postpone other things for later. Don't do two things at once. Remember: quality time is giving your undivided attention to that person. Try to understand the feelings of the other. Ask yourself the question “What does my interlocutor feel?”, pronounce your hypotheses to your interlocutor and receive “Yes reactions” if the hypotheses are correct. By doing this, you show that you understand the feelings of the other. Observe the body language of the interlocutor. The body doesn't lie. It may happen that a person says one thing with his words, but his body movements say something else. Check by speaking. Let him speak, do not interrupt the interlocutor. Research shows that after an average of 17 seconds of listening, a person interrupts and interjects. Remember - your task is to support. Self-disclosure. Frankness speaks of a desire to get closer. Very often a person feels better when he finds out that he is not alone in facing problems. 3) Quality activity is an action, you need to do something together with the priority of the interests of another. The goal is to experience something together for the sake of the other. 3. GIVING GIFTS is a visual representation of attention and love. The cost and size of the gift often does not matter. A person can hold it in their hands and remember you with the thought: “This person was thinking about me.” Gifts can be tangible or intangible. “Don’t teach me how to live, it’s better to help me financially” (a common phrase)1) Gifts and money - it’s no secret that material support is the most desired and valuable lately. What, to whom, how much and in what amount is up to you to decide, taking into account your financial situation and internal values ​​and attitudes. “Finally, all dreams come true, My best gift is you!” (quote from the film) 2) Giving yourself - or the gift of presence. Simply being there when needed, your physical presence during a crisis, is the most important gift you can give. 4. ACTS OF SERVICE are actions that those in need of support want to receive from you. By doing something for another, instead of him or helping him, you provide support. This must be done voluntarily, without coercion. Remember that it should be your choice. “Service means doing something with love for others” (Navid Pezeshkian) 5. PHYSICAL TOUCH – this type of support is carried out through physical contact, but is not suitable for everyone, depending on the boundaries of the individual. “When we touch another person, we either help him or hinder him. There is no third option: we either pull a person down or lift him up” (V.B. Tagliaferro) 1) Physical help - often this is the type of support a person needs. To lend a shoulder, to help rise, to stand on your feet, to lend a helping hand, to give support - these are not only allegories, but also reality. 2) Touch is a very important mechanism of social interaction. During physical contact given with love, oxytocin is produced - the love hormone. Therefore, physical contact with children is very important. They feel loved.3) Hug. During a crisis, people almost instinctively hug each other. Physical touch is the most powerful means of transmitting love. Scientists advise hugging at least eight people a day to be in a good mood and kinder. "We are not