From the author: Everyone has their own “hell”... “Aren’t you ashamed? Look what you've done? It's your fault that now I have to throw out the carpet! You are punished! You will stand in the corner!” I think I will not be mistaken if I assume that many can remember similar words from childhood. Maybe not literally and the situations are different, of course. But many have experienced unpleasant feelings in situations where they got dirty, spoiled something, offended someone, not because they strived for it, but because they played, had fun, experimented, studied or made something. And when they were told about guilt and shame, all the excitement, excitement, interest and recklessness were suddenly interrupted and depressing thoughts arose: I’m bad, I’m wrong, now they don’t love me and in general I’m stupid if I myself didn’t understand that this shouldn’t be done. Of course, I am talking now about the thoughts of not all children. And about the thoughts of children who were constantly charged with guilt and shame. These are children who had to be adults when their families needed it, who were given parental responsibility for older children, for example. These are the children who were held responsible for ruining the life of their mother or someone else. I'm talking about children who were responsible and guilty from their very birth, according to their family. How do these children live when they grow up? In captivity, what feelings are they in? If everyone has their own “hell” in life, then what is it like for them? ?It is not difficult to answer these questions, knowing what they were “instilled” and imputed to in childhood. They live in captivity of two main feelings, guilt and shame. These feelings follow them everywhere. In situations where they don’t know something or said or asked something wrong, in situations where they need to “present” themselves to the world: at performances, at work, in communication, etc. And in situations where you need to defend your boundaries, needs and desires, in these feelings they constantly and painfully arrive before the event, during it and after it. Often, apologizing and repenting for asking for something, they expressed their indignation or simply said “no.” In some cases, they even back down and ask for forgiveness after some time, because... they begin to feel ashamed of what happened, blame themselves, and fear losing their relationship, job, or anything else. After all, arriving in guilt and shame is very difficult and unbearable! Although sacrificing oneself for the sake of others, taking care of them, to the detriment of oneself, is also very bitter and painful, this is more familiar and bearable to them than devouring guilt, shame and the huge “childhood fear” of losing something. As children, they were afraid of losing their mother's love and care; for a child this is an unthinkable loss, because... His survival depends on his mother. Therefore, the child is ready to do a lot so as not to lose it! He needs his mother and does everything to have her with him. What pictures appear in the minds of people who are accustomed to shame and blame themselves for everything when they are faced with the unknown and uncontrollability of life? For example, at work, when such a person brought his project to his boss, and he didn’t say anything about it all day, no matter why he didn’t say it, he is in unimaginable and destructive anxiety and internal criticism. All this time, ideas arise in my head that the project is terrible, incorrect, with errors, etc. And even when the boss assessed the project and said that it was good, there is a need to find out someone else’s opinion on this matter. It is not just a need, but an exhausting need and anxiety to find out another opinion, but not an easy opinion, namely a critical and accusing opinion. After all, this is how it was in childhood, what brought joy and pleasure most often turned into criticism and accusations. And now, the criticizing and accusing figure is inside, and it exhausts the person, she plunges him into guilt and shame every time. And even if many people praise his project, this will not be a reason to stop the “inner critic” from bullying and “trampling” that childish part inside him that loves to create and create so much. Often internal criticism is so hard and exhausting that a person destroys.