From the author: To the strongest couple in love I dedicate my words... Let your hearts be warmed by a warm, deep light of Love. Someone will say: “It doesn’t happen like that...” Does it happen like that? Or not? Meeting of two people. Falling in love. Emotions. One air for two. You can’t get enough of looking... You can’t get enough of breathing. Complete merging. There is no “I”. There is only “WE”. It is “we”, although conversations and thoughts are only about him, only about her. But the partner is only a part of this Great, exciting “WE”. Both of them are only halves. This is the first stage of a relationship - codependent, where there is no distance , where there is no movement, where there is no love. There are bright emotions, passion, falling in love, absorption or drowning, there is fascination. This is the stage: “We are so similar!” Merging on identity, sameness. He is the king. She is a queen. But time passes, the intensity of passions subsides. And the stage of “donkey ears” begins. Air alone is not enough for two. It's hard to breathe together. You already need your own air. As a rule, one person in a couple begins to “suffocate” first, rarely both at once, while the second one is perplexed as to why “SUCH changes” have occurred? And it is a big misconception that the man is always the first to suffocate. No. A disappointed woman simply shows her search for new air through reproaches: You don’t love me anymore... You’ve changed so much... You don’t notice me... You’re so cold... In fact, more than one partner is cold, the cold has settled between them. The man, disappointed, tries to escape, blaming his partner: you're nagging me... I don't want to come home... And so on. This period is called counter-dependent. When intimacy is impossible... When distance is mandatory. If you run after me, I run from you. If you run away from me, I run after you. And together it’s difficult and bad apart. The whole point is in catching up... This is a period of disappointment: and he/she is not so similar to me. Differences have become noticeable. The shortcomings became noticeable. And now, donkey ears were peeking out from under the crown. The princess realized that she had married a donkey. Oh, yes, the king suddenly realized that there was a drink next to him. It’s good if couples at this stage turn to a psychologist. They come not adult partners, two “children” come. Desperately wanting their partner to magically and urgently turn back into a “reigning person.” The growing up of a couple, like the growing up of a child, always goes through disappointment. Just like a child. When he is just born, his mother is a fairy who guesses all his needs. But one day mom doesn't guess. He doesn’t relieve the pain with one touch of his hand, he doesn’t understand why he’s crying. And now, the woman who rocks him when he cries becomes an evil witch. For some time, the fairy and the witch are two different women in the child’s perception. And Only at the stage of growing up, both of these fairy-tale heroines unite into one real mother. A mother who loves but makes mistakes. She cares, but she can frown and be dissatisfied... I love disappointment. This is when the understanding comes that a real person has begun to appear in my head, and not my fantasies about him. My task, as a psychologist, is to work with a couple: 1. Help them cope with disappointment.2. Accompany partners on the path of “getting to know each other again.” Help to see each other as real, without accusations, without offense.3. Help us figure out: is this real person valuable? Is a relationship with him important and valuable? Is it possible to accept a real partner... is it possible? To be with a real partner... is it possible? And, if so, move the already maturing couple to the next stage. The independent stage. The transition to this stage can occur without the support of a psychologist. Only on a completely different side. For example: both or one of the partners freeze emotionally while remaining in a couple. And now everyone is busy with their own business and there are two neighbors nearby. Strangers. Strangers. And nearby only out of habit or in memory of past happy days when he loved so much; she was so happy and cheerful... The coldness in the relationship has already shackled hearts, has already entangled thoughts. And so, in search of warmth, they go into the bottle, to friends, lovers, run to work... Sound familiar? It’s not too late. Everything can be fixed. We just need to see each other. You just need to notice yourself. How does it go?…