Avoidance is a form of protection from processes that are unpleasant to the psyche. Avoidance can be especially often noticed when there is ALREADY increased anxiety, depressive symptoms, unpleasant past experiences, general fatigue. What underlies the avoidance mechanism? - Fear There is a classic model of reactions to danger - hit, run, freeze, give up - perhaps it is familiar to many. These mechanisms (with the exception of “give up”) are often unconscious and instinctive. Consider how animals use them in dangerous situations depending on their position. In earlier periods of human development, it was much easier to complete the stress cycle, the danger was temporary, and there were fewer situations of uncertainty. Previously, there were many physical and visible dangers; now, most dangers are of a psychological nature. And, accordingly, the psyche seems to be constantly a little under stress, expecting to be in danger. This is especially pronounced in people with an unsatisfied need for security. Then, for example, boundaries from another person will be perceived as rejection and the person may use the strategy of fight (aggression/claim) or flight (breaking off relationships). That is, reality seems to be excluded, in which one can test the feeling of one’s vulnerability. Run is, in fact, about avoidance. That is, a person avoids the fear of encountering/living/seeing something. Phobias show us this in an exaggerated way. Being afraid of something, a person excludes it from life. But in ordinary everyday life, in fact, avoidance occurs much more often; phobias are an extreme degree of avoidance. The strategy of avoiding one’s fear only creates the illusion that there is no problem. For example, there is a fear of intimacy in a relationship (to show up and see another), and then with some hints of intimacy, the relationship “seems to collapse” and becomes not so necessary (in fact, avoidance occurs). Or if there is a fear of somehow manifesting oneself, of expressing oneself, and this can be done, for example, through some kind of activity, then most likely the person will devalue everything that he creates and will avoid the realization of his desire. -Living oneself in some wayAnother one A common reason for avoidance is to encounter certain parts and states of oneself. This is a deeper layer behind fear. When it’s easier to avoid something than to face yourself disappointed, vulnerable, weak, lonely, helpless, irritated, not knowing something or not being able to do something (I recently read a story in which a girl didn’t go to the gym because that she was afraid that others would figure out that she was a newbie in this matter; and in fact, if the fear was turned on herself, then it was unpleasant for her to meet herself without knowing how to do something). That is, in this case, fear is built on expectations from oneself and ignoring real manifestations. This type of avoidance can actualize the inner critic or be accompanied by disgust and self-claiming. How much do you avoid so as not to encounter yourself in some way? - Past experience Experience is important part of mental development and personality formation. The experience can be completely different. And in situations where the experience was painful, when, for example, you tried something and it didn’t work out, when you made a mistake, when you created an unsafe situation for yourself or failed to cope with the circumstances. All this can be paralyzing. When there was an experience of unsuccessful relationships or performances, this is accompanied by a taboo on even trying to repeat it in the future. Remember how not easy it is to start something after failure/pain/disappointment. I understand how difficult it is, I understand what it’s like to not be able to cope with something. And here, see the previous paragraph. Some part of you did not live up to the expectations of “how it should” be handled with something or there is no experience of living it differently, and this is normal. And it is also normal to look for ways to restore yourself after different experiences, perhaps after trauma. Help yourself with this. I am not advocating for you that you don’t need to be afraid or avoid anything at all. Avoidance is protection, and protection is important! I am rather for greater awareness in this process, for?