Two people in a close relationship should each contribute 50% of their contribution to the relationship. Ideally, but in reality this happens quite rarely and the most common situation is distortions. What it is? For example, when one invests the maximum, and the second invests the minimum. Or no one invests practically anything, but tries to snatch it from someone else. Or one constantly seizes the initiative from the other, discouraging him from any desire to invest in the relationship. And then the balance of give and take is disrupted and problems arise for these two. Of course, each of them comes into a relationship with their own baggage, which includes their family system, family scenarios, personal already accumulated experience, some ideas, dreams and ideals. And he brings all this with him into a new relationship. And all this affects them in the most direct way. What is meant by contribution to a relationship? This is time, all kinds of resources, energy, planning, rest, finances, raising children, household responsibilities and much more that is intertwined in a couple. When one partner gives a lot to another, the recipient becomes like a helpless child. He feels this way, and then he begins to act this way. All this happens unconsciously. He cannot give in return as much as he receives. And again, the receiving partner will unconsciously weaken the giver, try to lower him to his level, through all sorts of provocations or some kind of destructive actions. Many problems arise here. First of all, sex life suffers. Perceiving a partner as a child or parent, the psyche weakens libido in order to protect itself from psychological incest. And then respect may suffer. The receiving partner often does not respect the giver (maybe unconsciously), and then the giver loses respect for the receiver. When there is no respect, there is no relationship. The circle is closed. Behind the scenes, the receiving partner is considered bad, and the giving partner is considered good. And in the family system, a bad partner will be pushed out of it, because he does not give anything in return, cannot give. He can be pushed out of the family system in different ways: through addiction, betrayal, illness, etc. This is especially pronounced in couples where there is a codependent partner. It is he who acts as the one who takes on more, who wants to seem good, who takes the initiative and thus has the illusion of control over these relationships and can be calm. What to do? Restore the balance of give and take. If this relationship itself is of greater value than the secondary benefits from it, everything can be corrected in therapy. This is not an easy process, so I emphasize that this relationship should be important to both. If their value is small, as a result of therapy they will either disintegrate, or everything will remain as it was, to fuel the secondary benefits of each without change or painful transformation. If you feel that this balance is disturbed in your relationship, come to me for a consultation, we will sort it out. You can sign up for a consultation with me here. I will be glad to see you in my Telegram channel: https://t.me/ilgalandgraf_psyAnd also in the VKontakte group: https://vk.com/ilgalandgraf_psy