Good afternoon everyone! I propose to talk today about how to be grateful without feeling guilty and without humiliation. I would like to say that in order to experience gratitude towards another person you need to have an idea of ​​yourself and the other person as two separate people. That is, neither me nor the other person is not trying to feel good at the expense of the other. I don’t need someone else as a crutch, as someone who will support me, tell me that I’m good, help me digest the events of my own life and make decisions. Because I can do it myself. The relationship from the functional mother-baby connection becomes a relationship between two adults, where it becomes important not to perform some function, but to experience a significant emotional experience: I know that you are separate, you have your own desires, you do not have to obey me and I am grateful to you , if for some reason of your own you are doing this for me. When a person feels a sense of obligation instead of gratitude, experiences it as humiliation, then deep inside us sit two sensations: - a feeling of our own badness, weakness, vulnerability; - and emotions of anger and anger at the fact that we are again “reminded” that we are weak and dependent. This very often gives rise to the desire to end a relationship when something good has been done to us: “I don’t need anyone, I won’t accept or ask for anything, I strong.” Or, on the contrary, a person begins to collect gifts, good gestures from others, so as not to feel bad and through other people’s gifts, that is, from the outside, to increase his own self-esteem. But since there is no feeling inside of being good enough - this is a bottomless well of expectations. Gifts should pour in like from a cornucopia, because this replaces love. For example, I will not build a relationship with a man if he is not ready to give a gift on the first date .Why did this happen? The reason is a weak identity. In addition, people often do not understand their emotions and cannot name and label them. All this leads to: - difficulties in making decisions (since emotions are chaotic - there is no support, “I don’t know what I want”) - it is difficult for them to take care of themselves (because they will think of others as those who I definitely need something from them, others will definitely use me or that I am harming another person with my requests) - it is difficult for them to complete what they started; - very often there are unusual sexual fantasies that can simultaneously excite and frighten. If if some of this coincides with your feelings, and you have a desire to change something, then I invite you to the office. Currently on Skype :) Did you like the article? Subscribe, share your opinion in the comments - I invite you to a conversation. Natalya Terekhovapsychologist, psychoanalyst8 968 929 19 42