From the author: Clients often ask about how exactly the process of psychotherapy occurs, what to talk about with a psychotherapist, how to behave, etc. In this article, using the example of several typical requests, I tried to partially answer these questions. What kind of beast is this, “psychotherapy”, what opportunities does it open up and about how to choose a psychotherapist, my colleagues have already written many wonderful texts - so I will try not to repeat myself. Perhaps the most difficult obstacle in describing what happens within the psychotherapeutic process is the uniqueness of each client's experience, an experience that is experienced differently by each person. Probably the easiest thing to say would be “try it, and then you will understand everything yourself.” But how then can you look behind the scenes and determine for yourself whether I need psychotherapy or not? Let's start with the fact that there is some confusion in terms about who should be called a psychologist, who should be called a psychotherapist and, accordingly, what psychotherapy is. This confusion mainly revolves around whether a psychotherapist must have a medical degree and whether he has the right to prescribe medication. Therefore, let's agree that in this article I will call a psychotherapist a specialist who, regardless of education, “treats” only with words and does not use pharmacological aids. Well, we’ve figured out the terms - excellent. The next important question. We are already accustomed to the word “psychosomatics”, many of you have read Louise Hay for a long time, and we all know that if you are nervous a lot, you can quite realistically get sick with diseases that are not directly related to “nerves” in any way. But for some reason, little is said about the fact that this rule also works in the opposite direction. When a client comes to me complaining about “nerves,” i.e. anxiety, depression, mood swings, weakness in the morning, apathy, sudden outbursts of irritability, absent-mindedness, etc. - the first thing I suggest this person do in parallel with psychotherapy is to undergo a medical examination. Because, as you understand, there is no point in working in psychotherapy with mood swings if they are associated with disruption of the endocrine system. Next, I will try, using the example of the most popular requests with which clients come to me, to show what can happen between the client and therapist. After all, despite the uniqueness of each client story, you can find a lot in common between them. For example, a very common request is about joy. People formulate it differently - you don’t want anything, everything around you is Chinese-fake and doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what I want from life, I don’t have the strength to do anything, life has lost its colors, - and so on. This is the very condition that is called depression. And if this is not a story about some tragic events in the client’s life, then, as a rule, it is a story about some unlived strong feelings. About sadness - so great and acute that a person can get scared and decide that it is better to freeze it. God forbid. Or is this a story about unlived anger - which you need to hide away in yourself so as not to destroy your relationship with a person dear to your heart. Or is this a story about some other betrayal of oneself. After all, when we refuse to experience some feelings, we betray ourselves, whether we want it or not. And the trap here is that it is impossible to “freeze off” unpleasant feelings and leave pleasant ones. Along with sadness and anger, joy also goes away. Everything becomes colorless. And what we do with such a client in therapy is to look for the very place in which he betrays himself. We are looking for which of his feelings are so intolerable that it is easier to freeze them. And in small, edible portions we learn to live these feelings. So as not to betray yourself anymore. To bring back feelings into your life, to bring back all sorts of colors into your life. Or here’s another frequent request in therapy – about relationships. It sounds in a variety of variations - this is aboutmale-female, and about relationships in the team, and about the fact that “no one loves me,” and about the fact that “why is everyone around me so angry,” and about the fact that for some reason there are no friends, etc. And with such clients, we directly examine how their relationships with other people work. Because nothing unique happens between the client and the therapist. Everything that a client does in contact with a therapist, he usually does in contact with other people. And another, no less interesting and important layer of this request is that we explore how this client’s relationship with himself works. Is he interested in himself? With what eyes does he look at himself? Does he respect himself? And in general, what does he think about this strange, imperfect person whom he sees in the mirror every morning, and what feelings does he feel about himself? And from this place very deep and exciting work usually begins. And as a result, it turns out that if a person has managed to build a harmonious relationship with himself, then relationships with others no longer seem so difficult. Or here’s another interesting request that can be reduced to one general phrase: “help me make it so that he (she, they – underline as necessary)...” Do you understand, right? When a client wants someone else (husband, wife, relatives, child) to change as a result of his work with a psychotherapist. And at this point, the client usually has to cope (or not cope) with severe disappointment, accept the fact that the psychotherapist is not a magician and cannot influence anyone in any way, and he, the client, will not be taught how to manage these nasty people. If this test is passed and the client remains to work, we examine what is happening in his relationships with these people whom he so wants to change. And why do they, these people, need to be changed? And what happens to the client within this relationship. And why is it so important for him to stay in this relationship? And what are his, the client’s, important needs within this relationship that are not being satisfied. And is it possible to somehow satisfy these needs? And changes begin precisely at the moment when it is finally possible to shift the focus of attention from another person to oneself. And I, perhaps, will limit myself to these few examples of requests in psychotherapy. Because it is impossible to describe all the specifics on the one hand, but on the other hand it is pointless. I hope that I was able to tell at least a little about what happens there in the psychotherapist’s office. And finally, a few recommendations (well, how could we do without them:) Psychotherapy is basically not a vital need. If you are satisfied with the quality of your life and do not want to change anything, let me sincerely rejoice for you; you most likely do not need psychotherapy. If you decide to start working with a psychotherapist, then prepare yourself for a relatively long process. Some requests can really be resolved in 1-2 meetings - and perhaps this is exactly your case. But as practice shows, deep work in psychotherapy is an extremely intimate process. Which requires a high level of trust. And trust, as you understand, is extremely rare at the first meeting. Everyone has probably already written about this, but I will risk repeating myself. The key to the success of psychotherapy is your active participation in this process. The psychotherapist does not know what is best for you, what decision you should make, what exactly you feel and what the root of all your troubles is. But with its help, you can find your own answers to these questions. Everything that happens to you in the process of work is important. If you're angry. If you are angry with your therapist. If your work with a psychotherapist seems pointless to you. If you are upset and disappointed. If you suddenly want a psychotherapist to take you in his arms. If you want to urgently stop therapy and never return to this office. You need to talk about all this with your therapist. Choosing a psychotherapist can sometimes be like choosing a life partner. It could be love at first sight and forever, or it could be a series of divorces. And, perhaps, the most important thing is in contact.