How can I get rid of self-criticism? How many times do I have to repeat this? It would be better if I didn’t open my mouth! I didn’t allow myself to do this when I was your age! Almost everyone has heard similar verdicts. Not everyone is lucky enough to have teachers who criticize carefully and constructively. Over the years, when you are trying to achieve big goals, any mistake can be met with a stream of self-flagellation. And you can hear the words of those close people. Only now you say them yourself. This takes away energy and you no longer feel like moving... “And why?”, “I’ve always been a dumbass,” “It still won’t work out”... “The inner critic” (hereinafter referred to as the Critic) is a subpersonality that lives inside us. In childhood, the Critic was only external, he spoke in the voice of his mother, educators, teachers... Over time, he moved inside, and after that you completely appropriated him for yourself. This is already “your” inner voice. We cannot turn off the Critic. And that's good, because we actually need him. This is an opinion that we can always rely on in a world full of uncertainty. “I did the right thing!”, “God, it’s such a shame!”, “It’s my own fault!” - the Critic already has a firm answer to a huge number of basic questions. It serves as a compass. However, the compass can also malfunction! Internal criticism, like external criticism, can be unconstructive. This is when a person is evaluated, not an action. If your inner voice demotivates you and leads you to despondency, you need to educate it! Namely, evaluate your actions, not your personality. Give recommendations. Incorrect: “Slob, everything is torn again!” Correct: “I tore my dress and was upset. Yes, it happens. I need to learn to darn.” Incorrect: “What a mediocre parent I am!” Correct: “High-pitched conversations with the child have become repetitive, I need to find a good book about parenting.” Incorrect: “You’re in a suit like a penguin!” Correct: “In this You look strict in a suit, but what if you loosen the tie and unbutton the buttons? Or maybe it’s time to buy a more cheerful shirt?” So the Critic begins to support and stimulate, and not demotivate, it is only important to purposefully educate him. Subpersonalities In general, the internal critic is not the only “inner voice”, which can “live inside you.” A simple example: you open the refrigerator and see a cake on one plate, and buckwheat with chicken breast on the other. You want something sweet, but “common sense” tells you what will be healthier for your body. Quantity and. The characteristics of subpersonalities similar to the “voice of common sense” in each person are individual. Fighting them is destructive for us, since in this way we will fight with ourselves. It is much more correct to establish contact with subpersonalities that violate internal harmony. There are a number of exercises that allow you to find contact with your Critic. and come to an agreement with him. Here are a couple of the most popular ones: “Identify your Critic.” What is he telling you? Perhaps he gives some instructions that begin with the words: “You must...” and “I warned you that...” Pay attention to the tone in which he says this. At what moments? What does he require from you? What are your feelings towards him? Try to give him a name that accurately expresses his essence. Perhaps you call this character a noun, then add one or two more adjectives to clarify its characteristics. For example: Tireless Persecutor, District Attorney, Boring Critic, Wing Clipper, Miss Perfect, Cold Whistleblower, etc. Now become a Critic. Think and explain (directly out loud) to your personality how difficult it will be for her without you and what a chaos of actions and feelings there will be without you (and this is at least partly true). And now again, from your usual position, try to understand the valuable sides of the Critic. Come to an agreement with him on how to maintain and use the qualities that are important to you and reduce the influence of negative qualities that cause pain. For example, a valuable side of the Relentless Pursuer may be the Patron. Two chairs for you! )