How often, in difficult situations, in situations where we have been hurt, shown terrible injustice, or simply let us down very badly, or even caused us irreparable trauma, we hear the phrase “forgive and let go.” And we are faced with how difficult it is to do this! Let's figure out why... Let's start with the first point - forgive. In fact, you simply cannot do this. Why? There are several reasons, and the most glaring one is that by “forgiving” a person for what he did to you and hurt you, we seem to legitimize what he did. It’s as if we were telling him, the world, and most importantly ourselves, that what he did somehow had the right to happen. This does not seem to be a linear consequence of forgiveness, but, nevertheless, our psyche will perceive it that way. What follows from this? Are we allowing people to continue to treat themselves this way, at least in their heads? Or will the subconscious find reasons why it can treat us this way and decide that we are not worthy of the best, but deserve something similar? Or what will it do? What decisions will he make? Do you realize this?.. Secondly, forgiveness is, to some extent, taking responsibility for what happened. Just imagine, your child breaks a vase. And you forgave him for that. What does this mean? That you will now take a broom, remove the fragments and buy a new one. And he will forget about it in an hour, because he did not face any natural consequences of his action. His brain will decide that this is normal and this can be done in the future. But if you explained to him that he did something wrong, maybe expressed your sadness, and involved him, to the best of his ability, in eliminating the consequences - he will connect and remember this. But if you DO NOT do this, then I have already described the consequences of this “non-doing”. The same goes for everything else. Plus forgiveness is an action “from above.” Is the one you “want” to forgive always a junior figure for you? Almost never :) Because we don’t get offended by younger figures, that’s how our brains are structured. We get angry, upset, but not offended. In summary, based on the previous text, we get the conclusion that we cannot forgive. What to do? The second point remains - “let go.” But this is exactly what is possible. Only the question always arises - HOW? I don’t claim to be the ultimate truth, but I can suggest one way that always works with me and my clients. Letting go means stopping JUDGING. You will say that this is almost the same as forgiving. No. Not this way. Read this thought to the end. In such cases, I suggest to myself and my clients not to forgive the person who traumatized you, but to delegate the function of condemnation to the universe. Do you know the common phrase “God will forgive”? So it contains a much deeper meaning than it might seem at first glance. I delegate the function of judgment to God, or the Universe, or the Higher Powers, or whatever you believe in, you remove this very function from yourself - God, the Universe, the Higher Punishing Power. And take YOUR PLACE. The following situation arises in your mind: evil has been committed against you - once. This is wrong and it shouldn’t be this way - two. (This way, your Self-Worth and Right to Be remain intact, which is very, very important). Evil will be punished - three. It will be punished by those who have the right to judge and decide, and this will free you from disproportionate responsibility and burden (role) - four. Thus, it turns out that by delegating the function of condemnation to the Universe, you remove it from yourself, without legitimizing the harm caused you, and LET GO of the situation, redirecting it to higher authorities. You no longer need to carry this stone with you every day (you carefully placed it in the right and correct place), you no longer need to waste energy on it, your self-worth is preserved because you did not legitimize what happened, and you do not need to strain in efforts to fulfill the role of the Lord God and punish the villains. Those who are supposed to do it will do this for you. And you can enjoy your role as a Man in your place. That’s how it is.