“Studies of Parental Communication” Admit it, your child hears from you “Don’t upset me!” or “Don’t shame me”? What message do you think these words carry for the child, how will they affect his development? Why does the child behave in this way, sometimes causing your reaction of this nature? Let’s figure it out! Your child behaves irritably, showing this state due to its creative potential. What to do in this case? I suggest you apply the following options for your reaction and behavior regarding the child in interaction with him: Attention to the child! 1. Look carefully at your child and understand that this is your child in front of you!2. Your child: 1 month from birth, 1 year or..... if 15 years or more...3. Is your child a boy or a girl? It is important to understand with whom you are talking.4. Pay attention to the psychophysical and psychological state of your child: he is tired, thirsty, hot, uninterested....5. Focus on the true needs of your child. Now let's talk about you! 1. Direct your attention to your feelings, emotions, general state. If they are destructive, for example, you are angry, offended, irritated, embarrassed....be aware of yourself in this state. Say: “I’m like this now...! And so it is!”2. It is clear that in such a state there is no need to sort things out with the child! 3. Clarify for yourself what caused this condition in you: the child’s crying in front of everyone, his screams, a passive, gloomy look... Once you have clarified your understanding of the condition itself and its cause, it’s already easier! Really?4. Start breathing practice “Resource state” “Liberation” Take a deep breath, exhale, inhale, exhale. As you inhale, direct your attention to your destructive state; and exhale a stream of air easily and freely, freeing yourself from negativity with your whole body with gratitude. “Filling” Next, as you inhale, fill your body with a state of calm and clarity. At the exit - spread this state throughout the body, radiating it from yourself. And from this state, understanding what is happening to the child, take the path of constructive interaction, teaching the child to live with intelligence and understanding! Let's return to the beginning of our conversation: Think - why Is this how your child behaves? The baby is thirsty, he is stuffy, he wants to sleep. And if this is a teenager, perhaps it’s time to meet with friends, but he still hasn’t done his homework and hence this reaction. This approach is the path to building a trusting relationship between parent and child. And what does such a message convey - don’t shame me , don’t make me angry? The phrase “Don’t make me upset!” develops in the child feelings of guilt, submission, rejection. “Don’t shame me!” It also creates a feeling of guilt in the child. The child understands that when he feels bad, the parent is angry and this is dangerous. Then there is no point in turning to him for support. And the child, from a young age, learns to solve his difficulties on his own or, sometimes, on the street. And this is not always good! The thread of trust and understanding breaks between parent and child! Sad! Growing up, a child can learn to manipulate a parent, achieving his goal by shouting and stomping, or by illness, apathy, immaturity, depression, deviant behavior, etc. How? Yes, yes! The behavior of the parent leads to a very predictable result that is not in favor of the child and the entire family and the world! Seeing an embarrassed parent who is focused on evaluating “others” (dominance of prestigious motivation and approval), the child understands that his cry will irritate the parent and then... "Dad! Buy it! Buy it! Buy it!” - the boy shouts loudly to the entire store, stomping his feet. And the father, in anger and confusion, runs to buy a toy, or flies out of the store with the distorted expression of a false good daddy, clenching his fists in anger. And this relationship between parent and child has already arisen a long time ago. Previously, the parent, consciously or unconsciously, planted the seeds of a weedy relationship and at a certain time they sprouted, bearing fruit.