In the realities of today's world and in a situation of ideological collapse, Children become the most vulnerable. But this does not mean that the problem for children and adolescents began in February. They grow up from the birth of children, along with how children are burdened with the internal war occurring inside the parent, the war of the parent with others, including loved ones. To help the child, parents, first of all, need to monitor their emotional states. This is not the case about awareness - a concept that has long been devalued by consumer attitudes towards spirituality. In this case, the possibility of Witnessing is indicated from where the semi-mature reality of an adult is manifested. Emotions are the final station of thought! What is the parent thinking? Is a parent able to change thoughts consciously? Did your parent teach you how to regulate your thoughts and not run away from... somewhere at breakneck speed? A modern child receives the deepest mental trauma when faced with the reactions of his parents and loved ones to what is happening, which is taking place not somewhere on TV, but right in his own home. As a result, living with such adults becomes unsafe. The only “home” where it is safe becomes a game broadcast on a computer monitor. Take this away from a child, the same process occurs as if his home, in which there was joy and peace, was taken away from an adult! Understand, those who exercise their power by depriving a child of a safe place. If a child is on the computer, it’s only your fault! This means that it is disgusting and unsafe for the child to be with you. He doesn’t look at you, conveying his resentment: “I don’t want to see you, get away from me!”, “I’m not talking to you!” - you get back what you yourself psychologically did to the child. And no clean floors and delicious dinners and care for the child in the form of “Study, life is hard, and the teachers scold you!” The child begins to perceive what fear is from you from birth. He receives it from those in whom he hopes and in whom he trusts. Because the first signaling system is expressed at the empathic level. That is, in empathy for the current emotional state of another person. But as a small child, he did not know and could not correct your condition. His empathic system collapses. How can you then expect manifestations of care, love, and tenderness from a teenager if you have already burned out his empathy batteries? It is important to realize that children Reject Themselves when they trust those who reproach them, show insincerity and aggressiveness, “read lectures,” “suppress their opinion”, does not understand their problems and does not try to communicate on equal terms, they use authoritarianism and strict directiveness. For modern children and adolescents, they are emotionally and very deeply hurt by: - ​​fear of parents (overt and hidden); - aggressiveness and hysteria; - vivid emotions of hostility and hatred, resentment; - depressed state of loved ones; - offensive words, including rude and harsh expressions; - offensive and angry words associated with deprivation of the child’s own things that brought him pleasure; - encounters with the indifference of others; - unrequited feelings child; - ignoring the child’s feelings; - fear of not living up to the expectations of adults; - biased assessment and criticism of the child; - prophecy of his future in the context of the horrors of failure ahead of him. These and other factors for children can become a real stress in life and cause irreparable harm to the child’s psyche . A child’s conflictual, irritable and aggressive behavior is most often a representation of parental behavior. Therefore, parental vigilance, intuition, and prudence make it possible to notice, under the guise of irritation and aggression, the child’s cry for help. The stressful situation experienced by the parents, and the infantile inability of the parents to cope with stress, the unwillingness to mature, the unwillingness to take care of themselves and educate themselves, in addition to the external objective created factors is subconsciously imposed on the child, increasing his vulnerability to stress. In the future, this psychological signal willbe experienced even deeper and longer, forming somatic and neurodegenerative problems. Do not teach children to suffer. Do not impose helplessness on them with your personal behavior and attitude to what is happening! A “toxic” attitude towards a child also includes ignoring his request for help (5% speech, 95% is a non-verbal request!), devaluation, not taking his experiences seriously, and especially the advice of adults that express emotions of hatred, enmity and intransigence. Do not become a child's confidant in the area of ​​anxiety, danger, helplessness and hatred. Find various ways of support and forms of explanation of what is happening. Parental support should be based on helping the child feel needed and trust in you! A lot of mental work and your own growing up lies in finding kind words every day out of psychological balance and time for your children. This serves as the basis and source of their vitality: - just be - explain to the child gently, with minimal emotional content - never deceive the child and learn to distract him from what you cannot influence. The correct approach to the problem sometimes lies in the point is to accept the situation as it is - don’t take it out on the child in a state of your own stress - don’t whine! If you are tired, this is your inability to allocate time and devote it to yourself and rest. It is not the child’s fault that you have created such hell for yourself. The child is not responsible for that. that you have created a life for yourself where there is a place for fatigue, anger, resentment, claims, and the accumulation of nothing but negativity. You chose this, choose something else! The child is not your helper here and is not responsible for you and your reactions to events! - Emphasize the child’s merits, thereby strengthening his self-sufficiency and state of peace. To see the merits of another - stop extolling only your own merits! - help him believe in himself and his strengths. To make this happen, stop whining to yourself that you can’t do anything, but in the past you were so beautiful, obedient and amazingly gifted, it’s just that now you don’t have the strength. It's mental deficiency, if that's what you say about yourself. Stop it! Help your child believe that you are strong and so is he! - look for all possible ways to alleviate psychological suffering. The mistake is that when living negatively, a person does not think about the fact that he chose this particular reaction! He again evaluates this reaction negatively and multiplies the negativity on everything, trying to cope with the negativity. Learn to choose your reaction! Learn to re-select your reaction!—talk to your child in his language, in his way of thinking! Well, you can’t tell a child with objective thinking logical notations! He won't understand! You cannot tell a child in images if he does not have this skill in his mind! There is no need to develop anything, you need to talk about his type of thinking! - listen to the child and learn to HEAR him, let him say everything he wants to say, never interrupting him. Show empathy, not judgment! - support with touches (at least on the shoulder), joint actions, physical participation! The parent takes the child by the hands. Listening to him, she hugs him, but not tightly, but gently, so that he feels cared for and at the same time his freedom from it. The parent feels and finds a moment when they can hug or touch the teenager. Believe me, teenagers are hedgehogs, but their bellies are soft and vulnerable! Parents support the child with the expression of their face, the smile of their soul, their soft gait and warmth of actions. A parent helps their children DEVELOP the ability to not only identify emerging situations, but also recognize their reactions to these definitions. The parent needs to Notice and celebrate the teenager’s strengths! Dexterous, quick reaction, kind (kind does not mean executing on the first order), calm, able to hold his position, etc. Oddly enough, children learn this skill much faster than adults. Of course, children learn first!