From the author: Ending a relationship is a kind of death. Every day in our lives something ceases to exist: a thing, emotions, people. Learning to deal with this is an important skill. Before unrecognized love, I was cheerful at the farewell hour, But - my God! with what pain I woke up without you in my soul! Poems by Yakov Polonsky One of the questions that clients ask during consultations is as follows: “I wake up alone. But I couldn't let her go. How to overcome sadness? It often happens that after many years of living together, the accumulating burden of resentment, misunderstanding, mistrust, betrayal outweighs and the couple separates. There are no statistics on who has it worse, a woman or a man. But there are studies that say that separation and divorce are similar in intensity to experiencing loss, as if a person had died. Melancholy is something that settles in the soul for many months. And even if the couple mutually broke up, experiencing painful emotions is inevitable. Dahl's dictionary describes melancholy as follows: (to crowd) oppression of the spirit, languor of the soul, painful sadness, mental anxiety, anxiety, fear, boredom, grief, sadness, aching heart, grief. Popular wisdom calls melancholy synonymous with “sorrow.” What to do? How to wake up alone, why wake up, how to cope with the irresistible melancholy that eats away the entire soul without a trace. It seems that the answer is on the surface: lie in melancholy, and after a while you will get tired of it, get bored and want some kind of activity. But this is not obvious. Melancholy is characterized by the fact that it drags a person into the abyss and there may be no end or boundaries to this. Therefore, we cannot leave everything to chance here. Yes, indeed, a few days of melancholy can be a plus - it helps to calm your mind from hectic days and events, and reduce the value of some things. But then something needs to be done. Since the duration of this state is directly related to mental or physical inaction. In other words, melancholy is the loss of an object of excitement, or, more simply, a beloved, important person with whom there was a constant exchange of energy. That is, in fact, after the breakup, a “hole” appeared in your “picture of the world.” What to do in such a situation, how to help yourself: 1. Find the strength to make peace with yourself. Forgive yourself. Anyone can make mistakes that have a right to exist. You should never regret what you have done before. 2. Be sure to do something: physical labor, sports, hobbies, intellectual activity. 3. Decide on the meaning of life. Set goals for yourself. It will be better if there are several goals, because possible failure in one direction can be compensated for by success in another. Analyzing ways to cope with melancholy, I come to the conclusion that these are simply colossal opportunities: do a general cleaning of the house, take up sports, hobbies, and search for goals and the meaning of life. Simply brilliant. Self-irony in negotiations with melancholy is also good in small doses. You also have every right to do nothing. Not being able to help yourself. Then there is another way out - seek professional help. Marina Zhelnova, psychologist, gestalt therapist. You can sign up for a consultation by calling 8960 836 9088 or by personal message.