From the author: Love and misunderstanding, how two friends walk together. There is a need for a man and a woman to be together, but how to preserve love and remove misunderstanding? Learn to hear each other, and not run away from each other! Today on public transport I heard the following conversation on the phone. A young mother and next to her 6-year-old daughter were going about their business on a summer day. The girl was looking out the window, and the young woman was talking with her husband, the father of the child. - Where are you? - Did you buy what I asked for? - Why don’t you have money? You got it on the card. Where did they go? - What did you buy? You bought this for yourself! I asked for food for us! You spent money on yourself! What will my daughter and I eat? - You don’t eat that? I don’t eat what you eat either, but I cook for you! There are no products at home. I don't have money for groceries either. But you promised! We agreed! The young mother switched off, interrupted the conversation and... burst into tears. Tears streamed down her face and she could be seen holding back a sob. Next, to calm down, she found a game in the phone menu and began to play. The game captivated her, her tears dried up. The face was sad. The daughter sat quietly and looked out the window while her mother talked on the phone. She did not bother my mother with questions. It is possible that this situation was familiar to her. After some time, the young mother calmed down and paid attention to the child. I saw her and silently gave her the phone, but didn’t say a word. Her suffering was with her! How does the child feel at the moment? What her mother feels: pain, resentment, fear for the future. The mother’s suffering is passed on to the child. What experience does the child have if a similar situation is repeated? Dad (husband) hurts mom. He offends her. Mom is sad, not happy after talking with dad (husband). Talking with her husband can cause pain! This is dangerous! In a moment of danger, we must defend ourselves, such experience is embedded in us. We also have a need to create a family. What conclusion does a child make in such a situation? When I am a wife and mother, I need to protect myself from my husband-dad so that it doesn’t hurt! When it hurts and is bad, then I need to play a game so that it became good. The young mother has no experience of correct behavior in this situation. She does not know how to establish normal relationships in the family. Playing is an escape from a problem. The same can be said about her husband, the child’s father. It is possible that he also has his own escape from the problem. Judging by the conversation, he spent the money on exactly this. When the habit of running away from a problem into a game, sex, alcohol, drugs or something else becomes stable, and this happens when the behavior is repeated, then it will go into the subconscious and its name will be “Addiction” “!It is very difficult to get rid of the habit. The brain will constantly offer just such a response to pain, stress, resentment, suffering, because it has no other experience! “Reprogramming” the brain, replacing a “negative” habit with a new one, is difficult, but possible. I use art therapy along with other techniques. This technique allows you to very gently and gradually free yourself from addiction. Young parents and spouses often do not know how to build relationships with each other. They are embarrassed to contact a specialist. One day a young woman shared her thoughts with me: “I should have asked for help earlier.” I looked for a psychologist, shared it with my friends, but my friends just laughed. Mom abruptly interrupted and advised “not to fool around.” I read books on the Internet, listened to webinars, tried to do what I learned. And now I’m alone with the child, we broke up! I feel so bad! Why don’t young families last long? Why is there no understanding and responsibility towards each other, towards the child? Why is there no experience in informing each other, the ability to talk, and not run away from the problem? The answer is in this article. A girl who observes exactly this behavior from her parents will do exactly the same in the family she creates. Articles for every taste. Subscribe and read. My books in electronic and printed versions. Irina Vasilakiy, art, gestalt therapist,