Relationships with parents are a painful topic for many of us. Not a single group training takes place without at least one person discussing this topic. Strong, successful people cry like children, describing their grievances against their parents, along with everyone present. I believe that such a strong emotional reaction is due to the fact that we idealize both the parents themselves and our relationship with them. We want unconditional, all-consuming love and acceptance from them. As we grow up, we transfer these demands to partners of the opposite sex. And to ourselves, having become parents, we make the same idealized demands, experiencing a feeling of guilt when reality destroys this idealization, and we begin to believe that we are bad parents. High expectations for parents certainly make sense. Childhood leaves a huge imprint on a person’s life. Children come into this world helpless, and without the care of their parents or those in their stead, they simply cannot physically survive. It is important for us to know that we can be loved, unconditionally, simply for being who we are. It is important to feel that, no matter what happens, we have a rear - a parental home, where we are always welcome. It is important for us to be proud of our parents and for them to be proud of us. It is important for us to see the strategies developed by our parents and adopt from them knowledge and beliefs about how the world works and how to behave in it. When parents are interesting to us as individuals, it gives us great pleasure from communicating with them and brings additional meaning to life. And, if these relationships are also filled with tenderness, cooperation and mutual support, they become an inexhaustible source of inspiration. What is it that hurts us so much that we crave so passionately from our parents? The mother is entrusted with idealization in the field of emotional and spiritual values, as well as in organizing the everyday and social sphere of the family. For a mother, her family should be the most important thing in the world. It is the mother who should love us with an all-consuming love, taking care of our interests even better than we ourselves. A mother should be that textbook keeper of the hearth, who always knows how to create comfort even with a modest income, delicious food, devote a lot, a lot of time to her children, and spend time with them with pleasure, sharing their children's games, endlessly inventing new entertainment for her children. . If she has such a need, she can go to work no earlier than we are teenagers, and then, preferably not for the whole day. Oh, how wonderful these days are when you come home from school and your mother greets you with delicious borscht and cutlets. This, of course, cannot be compared to any comparison; when you open the door with your key, the house is empty. I don't want to eat leftover food. You feel kind of sad and angry at your mom. Why does she need to work so much? Mom must be, well, simply must be, the ideal of beauty. She should become an example for her daughter - to be very, very beautiful as always. She should be an example for her son of what his future wife should be. At the same time, she must share the ideals of beauty with her child, because if she does not understand that her hair should be tied up in a ponytail and not fluffy, she spoils the entire aesthetic picture of the world. Mom must be smart, help with homework, give creative ideas for essays, and share her wisdom. Does mom offer some kind of her own vision of solving a math problem? Does he consider communism to be the most perfect system on Earth? Don't know Spanish? Why is she like this? What idealization can stand here? Mom should be affectionate, even when we grow up, and it becomes very difficult for us to show our feelings or simply accept the affection of our parents. Mom must be correct and persistent; she has no right to be offended by us if we push her away, when her affection is inappropriate in our opinion. Mom must be versatile, so that when none of our comrades can go withto swim with us, but we really want to swim, but it’s boring alone, she should joyfully drop everything and come with us. It’s okay that we have been fighting off her attempts to invite us to one place or another for six months now. She must always be ready that, finally, a miracle will happen, and we will call her to our company. Mom must understand us. She’s a mother, well, who else will understand us, if not her own mother? To understand, therefore, never to judge. Not prepared for the test? But there was no way to tear yourself away from a conversation with friends or a football match with the guys. Well, how can she not understand that it’s not sweet there either? And she must understand that there is no way to go help at the dacha when all the guys meet and go to a disco, or she just really wants to be alone and do an experiment at home from the “Young Chemist” set. Mom must feel us, take care of our feelings , do not allow yourself to hurt them. She must be smart and not insult us, even if a huge truck is heading towards us, and we are “gazeless” in our youth. No rude shouting, this will hurt our tender children's soul! Mom should joyfully accept our gifts, no matter what it is. Even if it’s a terrible-looking cake that took a huge amount of ingredients, “winter has come” in the kitchen because of the scattered flour. Mom should always accept this joyfully, because we tried so hard, rejection hurts the child’s soul. Yes, choking and breaking teeth, and washing it down with suprastin, well, how can a child remember that mom is allergic to peanuts, which our terrible cake is generously flavored with? Mom must support us no matter what happens. Even if dad gave us a harsh punishment, she must convince him. She is a mother, she must understand that this is violence against a person. And, no matter what we have done, it is all “nonsense, an everyday matter.” And if someone gives us a negative assessment, my mother is obliged to praise us, otherwise we will have low self-esteem and complexes, and we will not succeed in life. And in general, always praise us, at least 30 times a day! Mom should be a model of neatness, grooming, and health. “Cleanliness is the key to health” should be its motto. Who, if not our own mother, can we trust that she has created ideal hygiene in the house, how else will we learn to maintain order in our room, on our head and clothes? Mom should be friendly, she should have many friends, and those friends should have children, so that it is easy for us to become their friends and so that we all go in large groups to the forest, to attractions, to the zoo and just meet for tea and winter pies in the evenings. And, of course, the mother must preserve the father’s love and family. This is a direct woman's responsibility. From the father, first of all, social success and the role of protector of the family from external enemies and circumstances are expected. The father simply must be fulfilled in society, an excellent provider, wise, restrained, calm and self-confident. Otherwise, who will we follow as an example? Who will create the material base for us, without which it will be extremely difficult for us to build our lives? A father must treat his family members with care and in no case hurt their vulnerable feelings. After all, he is so big and strong, and the children and mother are so tender, defenseless and vulnerable. In addition, he is the head of the family, if he “kicks” its members, then what about its integrity, for which he, as the head of the family, bears full responsibility? The father simply must be a champion of the idea of ​​​​the inadmissibility of physical punishment towards children, and the use of physical violence against mother and animals. Never. Raise half a finger. There is no common sense in this. It is clear that a man is physically stronger than a woman and children, and men often do not calculate their strength, causing severe injuries to members of their family, without having.