Sometimes it’s painful to watch a loved one cause moral or physical harm to themselves, and the desire to help loved ones is quite understandable. However, sometimes our loved ones do not accept our help. Neither pleas nor threats help, neither detailed conversations with examples, nor ultimatums. In response to attempts to explain, to guide “on the true path,” we only receive rejection, sometimes anger, or verbal agreement and promises that are not fulfilled. How can we help such loved ones find a new, happy, full of joys life? The best option for help in such a situation is to give responsibility for their life is in the hands of the owners and be there: Share your feelings, your experiences. Voice that you are afraid of the consequences that will occur if this behavior continues. Offer (!) your help as specifically as possible. Give an example of such assistance (I can help you find a rehabilitation center/help you find a doctor or a helping specialist/get medications/provide moral support, etc.). Explain that you are nearby and ready to help when asked. Let me remind you that the offer presupposes both consent and refusal, so you should respect any choice of your loved one. Even if he chooses a path you don't like. You have the right to worry, your loved one has the right to manage his life in the way he considers best for himself, even if you don’t agree with him. Leave behind and get on with your life. I understand how difficult this is, but it is necessary for both you and the person you want to help. I’ll give you an example: Imagine that you see a drowning person. You throw yourself into the water with a life preserver, ask him to grab onto the circle, to you, to do at least something so that he stops drowning, and in response he begins to fight you off, screaming for you to leave him alone and in general everything is fine with him and “you don’t understand anything.” As a result, you are busy persuading, he is busy fighting with you, and in this fight you yourself risk going to the bottom. Now imagine that you stop persuading, and are simply swimming next to him with a lifebuoy. What will happen then? Maybe a person will choose to drown, or maybe he will have the opportunity to understand that only he himself can save him. Only he can reach out and take this help. He has a choice, and you don’t drown along with the drowning person. One of the most toxic manifestations of rescue is the humiliation of the victim being rescued. The rescuer broadcasts: “You can’t cope without me, you need my help, you’re helpless.” Leaving responsibility for life to the owner of the situation, we can show that we believe in our loved ones, we respect their personality and choice. Feel the difference between “you will be lost without me” and “I believe that you can handle it and will just be there when needed.” Which of these messages humiliates a person , and which one can become a support, that very help and motivation to change something? If it is very difficult for you to accept the idea that a drowning person who is fighting off help needs to stop being saved, you should think about the answer to the question “Why do you need this?” Think about it - what causes such a strong desire to save? ~ Maybe you don’t want to look at your problems and are distracting yourself with other people’s? What do you not want to see, what are you running away from from your life into someone else’s? ~ Perhaps you are merging with your loved ones and you have the feeling “I won’t survive without them” and you should think about your separation? ~ Maybe you are driven by an imposed feeling debt and guilt? Think about it, is it yours? To whom do you owe and for what? Who actually gave you this exorbitant bill?~ Or is it your desire to feel your power and importance? “They can’t cope without me, I know better how to do it!” They'll handle it. Exactly.~ Or maybe you can’t cope with your anxiety and want to control everything, create the illusion of controlling someone else’s life and yours? It could be a combination of reasons. By asking yourself these unpleasant questions and answering them honestly, you can start to actually take care of yourself and change your life. Start to swim confidently yourself. It is not uncommon when a person begins to take care of himself and change.