From the author: I am starting a series of my articles on the topic of ANTI-trauma, entitled my article “Trauma, as a part of every personality.” The first symptom that I will analyze will be Distrust, as a result of taraumatic experience. So we will talk about Trust in our lives, and how to acquire it. Human faith is, in my opinion, one of the most important mechanisms of development and progress. I am sure that everything created by man has gone through a process of belief. Otherwise they simply wouldn’t have taken on this. And this is truly a powerful tool that influences the deep structure of our thought processes - our beliefs and values. The reverse process also takes place. What or who we were given the opportunity to believe in determined our results in the future. Do we believe in our own strength? Do we believe in people? Do we believe in mutual assistance? Do we believe that men/women are safe? And so on and so forth. All this was laid down in our childhood. And the obvious pathological accents of our faith are the results of the trauma that happened. Is it worth listing the effects of formed distrust? I will note the most obvious ones that I encountered in my work: - Distrust of a partner: lack of mutual understanding and correct communication, conflicts of values, fears, isolation, increased anxiety or aggression for no good reason. - Lack of desired results (Lack of self-confidence) Option 1. Passivity: lack of control over my own life - I don’t decide anything, and I can’t influence anything. The main motives of the beliefs - I am not capable and I am not worthy. Option 2. Aggressiveness: hypercontrol, blaming the environment / others in life situations (lack of control, but from a different point of view) - Loneliness. May manifest as a lack of interest in other people or an unworthiness to communicate with others (embarrassment). What may turn out to be in fact the same thing, only under a different number of layers of psychological defenses. Also, this may only apply to certain people. But this does not make the feeling of loneliness any less acute. Since communicating with “allowed” people does not bring the necessary satisfaction. What to do if similar symptoms or effects are present in life? The very first thing I would recommend, especially if symptoms are highly severe, is therapy. There are many different directions and schools. In terms of speed and effect, working with beliefs and inprints is closer to me. This can be either NLPt and Gestalt therapy, or hypnotherapy. But the most important thing that I wanted to reflect in this article is self-help methods - exercises that can be useful to everyone. How to train trust? To begin with, I would advise doing the following universal exercises: 1) Keep a diary of daily successes. This increases self-esteem and sets up the filters correctly. It’s worth starting with 5 points a day. In the first couple it will not be easy to write even 3, but then, even on the most “inclement” day there may be 8 of them! Positive thinking gives rise to a positive attitude towards yourself. And this expands the psychological framework of faith in one’s capabilities. 2) Ask people around you (close or distant) for help, give instructions. Start with very small requests: “hold the door,” “pass a napkin,” “recommend a book,” etc. This may not be easy, even on a small scale. But we have to try. 3-5 requests a day is a great start. Further - more!) The main thing is to allow your partner to fulfill this request the way he does it. Don't analyze his strategy, the result itself is important. This teaches us to share and delegate responsibility. When my clients are too worried (outraged or made to worry) by someone’s behavior, this means an exaggerated craving for association. And I ask them in these cases to ask themselves the question: “Is this my story?” This simple phrase allows you to quickly dissociate (get out) of the situation. 3) Communication with open people, positive and successful in the area that is important to you: happy married couples, successful businessmen, physically active people. It's quite simple now!