Marshmallows covered in chocolate on the tea table. She is in a caramel stole on the other side of the mirror surface of the smartphone. She says that being ignored in quarantine is her sugary present. A nagging feeling of rejection lingers from the past. And I’m worried about... the future. “I feel... Not alone, no. It's deeper, much deeper. I'm not alone. Have husband. But he, like an ice statue, is all in himself. What and who surrounds him is of little interest to him. We each live our own lives.” Cold Dad “When did you first experience the feeling of rejection?” - a simple question that turns your gut. What to answer? Maybe so?.. “When my parents divorced, I went to my father for some time. Until he told me: “Don’t appear here again! These meetings put too much pressure on my nervous system.” Or maybe... Even before my parents’ divorce... I’m 4 years old... “My mother worked a lot. My father drank at home, took the food to his room and closed himself. I was starving. She knocked on the door, cried, asked for food. Zero emotions. And so on until the evening. At such moments we had to get food from the domestic rabbit.” Not the same again... What is the earliest? I don’t remember... Quarantine “At first I felt elated. Finally I can rest! I bought some goodies and set up a rookery out of pillows. I started reading, writing, watching... Occasionally I would go up to him, my husband, and say, let’s watch a movie together or talk. And he mutters in response: “No time.” Go. After". And so all day long. And yesterday I got ready. "Where are you going?" – I’m interested. “I’ll go see my friends. I’m tired of sitting.” And the trace disappeared, no matter how much I asked to stay. I thought it was the end. It's time to leave. When the quarantine ends... But will I dare? Will you find the strength to believe in yourself again? Will I be able to live independently and will I find my feminine happiness? I sit and doubt it. But how can I imagine spending my entire life hanging out with a person who always ignores you or prefers you to his friends, even in emergency situations involving a threat to life... Being forever rejected by her husband - the same death, but slow, life-long. And this is a hundred times worse than simply leaving the virus. I'm already dead in this relationship. Must be to be reborn?” ResurrectionWoke up. There are little clouds outside the window. Sunday on the calendar. And sunlight floods the cozy rented studio. It was a dream? The face of a psychologist in a smartphone who has been in therapy for a year. I perked up. We have meetings on Thursdays! So it's a dream. Wow, the quarantine has long passed, but the memories are still catching up with me. I divorced my husband. On the coffee table are chocolate-covered marshmallows and mint tea that was not drunk from the evening. I’ll go wash up and... go to work. Meeting in the evening. Life is getting better. © 2020 Yulia Klimentyeva