From the author: Is it easy to feel guilty? Is it possible to change your relationship with guilt? Recently, while participating in one of the professional discussions, my imagination was fascinated by a paradox. During the discussion, an almost “seditious” thought was voiced that one of my fellow psychologists, in his own words, was completely does not experience feelings of guilt. Well, he knows everything about him, he even works with clients “about guilt,” but he doesn’t worry about it himself. These words sounded outrageous back then and caused such a difficult discussion with various examples and even theoretical calculations. And after one of the examples, where the participant was describing the experience of her guilt in front of her daughter, a comment was made that stunned me with its obvious non-obviousness. “I would feel pity and tenderness for my daughter, grief and regret from the circumstances, but not guilt.” The discussion then ended, but I continued to think about this “non-obviousness.” Yeah, that means in those moments that I identify as guilt, I act in accordance with precisely this feeling: sometimes I ask for forgiveness, more often I apologize, make excuses, get angry (reproaching), take offense in response, pay off - so what? Is it still common for people to blame there? And this list rarely includes sympathy for the victim. What if, in addition to guilt, I manage to experience sympathy, regret and grief, then I will be able to perform some completely different actions that correspond precisely to these experiences. Well, for example, as in the case with the suffering daughter. After all, now you can feel sorry for her, hug her, caress her and sympathize with the unpleasant experiences associated with her mother’s act. Where would the feeling of guilt lead? Most likely, it would be an apology, justification, and then some kind of compensation in the form of a gift. And what’s interesting (from my own observations) is that actions caused by regret calm you down much faster. And not only the victim, but also the one who inflicted this suffering. I, of course, do not claim the universality of the principle, but by diluting the guilt with regret, you can greatly make life easier for yourself and your loved ones. Join me on Skype "irinachekhova" to further talk about wine! Sincerely, Your psychologist, physiologist, gestalt therapist, supervisor Irina Chekhova Contacts: Skype "irinachekhova", http://online-psiholog.com/, +38050368-35-44 (Viber, WhatsApp)