Perhaps one of the most important aspects of personal freedom for me is the right and ability to have, keep or reveal one's own secrets. It’s not for nothing that I choose this word. You can, of course, say it in another way - “maintain your psychological boundaries”, “make decisions about the degree of openness”, etc. These are almost about the same thing. Almost, but... The word “secret” has its own special connotation. In Greek it is akin to deception and deprivation, in Slovenian it is akin to denial, and in ancient Indian it is akin to theft. Agree, in terms of the degree of danger and tension, the “secret” is not comparable to some kind of “boundaries” approved long ago by a psychologically advanced society. Having secrets is much less socially acceptable than having boundaries. A secret is almost a deception. A little bit of a lie. A little bit of theft. This is something that “rightly” our loved ones should know, something they should be informed about, but we want to leave hidden. On the other hand, a joint secret is information that supposedly must be kept in a tightly closed chest. And an attempt to unlock the lock, ventilate, or throw away unnecessary things can be perceived as theft and betrayal by the person with whom you are connected by this secret. The secret is shrouded in shame, guilt and fear, there is very little internal freedom left here - both in conversation and in silence. By the way, It’s not so important why you want to leave this or that thing hidden. Because of the desire to avoid complications and showdowns, because of the inability to put it into words, out of fear of “jinxing” or being ridiculed, or simply out of a desire to keep it only for yourself, to keep it intimate. As for me, all these reasons have the right to life. And in this case, freedom is the right to remain silent. Risk encountering discontent and resentment, or much greater consequences, if suddenly the secret becomes apparent. Be prepared for this. But - remain silent. Or vice versa - supposedly someone else's secret in me, which interferes, lies like a stone on my soul and asks to come out. Is what happens between me and someone a secret? Sacrament, magic, hidden from prying eyes? And if I was raped in this sacrament, is it still magic? Or not anymore? Do I still have to maintain intimacy or am I allowed to open up to others and seek help? If only the victim and the rapist can know about pain, and love is not allowed to be disclosed outside the bed, this is not only difficult and constrained, sometimes it is downright painful and unbearable. And the way out of this torment is clear to me - the restoration of a person’s internal right to choose - to speak or not. Is it possible to hide what you want to keep hidden? Yes, you can. Moreover, it is necessary - this is a question of the safety of a person, his deep right to be independent, separate from everyone in this life, except himself. Does one person have the right to reveal to the world what happened between him and someone else? Yes, definitely. This concerns him, this happened to him, this experience belongs to him by right - and he can do with it what he sees fit. When there is not guilt, shame and fear inside, but a calm “I can”, supported by the readiness to answer unpleasant questions and face uncomfortable consequences if the secret, by choice or in spite of it, becomes apparent - this is calm, adult freedom. This is what makes a person rely on himself, on his inner values ​​and meanings. Moreover, it allows you to create tension between separate people full of secrets. And it is from this tension that intimacy can emerge - if we decide to reveal some of our secrets to the other - because we want to show the hidden, intimate part of ourselves.