Many themselves say that relationships with psychopaths and narcissists take all their strength, as if resources are being pumped out through invisible channels. It takes a long time to recover and come to your senses. Not everyone is able to come to their senses relatively quickly. And there is no magic in this topic with “pumping out resources.” Everything can be explained in rational language. Resources are your channels, sources, reserves of strength. Your whole personality, your physical health, your time, your skills, your social and material capital. When a person enters into a relationship with someone, he shares these resources. He shares sincerely, his partner also shares. Only the specifics of relationships with destructive partners and partners, which often include psychopaths and narcissists, are as follows: - You invest a lot, but get practically nothing in return. - You are held in the illusion of love and relationships, seduced by a bright demo version - You understand that everything is going downhill, but up to a certain point you believe in positive changes - You never fully understand what kind of person is next to you, and what you can expect from this person. Collective cases Here is Elena, who was part of into a relationship with her new man at a time in her life when everything was on the rise. The business was growing, lingering health problems were resolved, and she was in good shape. After being in this relationship for more than two years, I began to feel that my strength was really leaving, everything began to crumble on all fronts. Then it took another year to understand that there was a parasitic consumer nearby who only knew how to manipulate. Here is Arthur. It is difficult to remember the times when he managed to do everything: achieve new sports victories, grow up the career ladder, be the life of the party among friends. The relationship with Diana, which began with great passion and interest, somehow quickly descended into the plane that Arthur is to blame for everything, he doesn’t give enough. He was constantly shown in the background some other men who were richer, cooler, more generous, and so on. Arthur is stalling in his career, has given up sports, and hasn’t seen his friends for a long time. He puts all his energy into preserving the relationship, but everything only gets worse. He is always to blame for everything. What do these two cases have in common? The role of the partner and partner here is great. Strength doesn't just go away. The imbalance has led to everything just going downhill. There are relationships that make no sense to preserve; they only bring destruction. How do psychopaths and narcissists take your resources? Why does your strength go away and everything in life only gets worse, although you really try and are ready to give everything for the sake of this relationship? 1) They make you an extension of themselves. They lead you according to a scenario that is beneficial to them, they force you to play certain roles. 2) Constant uncertainty Eternal uncertainty, lack of specifics, unwillingness to take responsibility. 3) Your attention is mostly focused on this person. Inappropriate overestimation of the role of this person in your life. 4) Erasing your personal boundaries and attempts to completely trample your “I”. They can do anything, you must be what they need and what is beneficial to them. 5) Parasitization Mental, and often also everyday, material. You are carrying yourself, clinging to the illusion of love. 6) Emotional swing Eternal “hot and cold”, and your background guilt for everything. 7) Manipulative communication style You are constantly provoked to emotions, put pressure on your fears, make you look bad. And you cling and make excuses. 8) They convince you of your powerlessness. You are programmed to believe that without this person you are no one and you yourself cannot do anything. Draw a line between the illusion of love and the real attitude towards you. Give yourself time to comprehend and recover. Vera Bokareva, psychologist, psychotherapist, coach For consultations: WhatsApp / Viber / Telegram: +7-963-231-37-12 / verabo.ru