So much has been written on this topic and I still wanted to write this article and try to give answers to the questions: who is called “narcissists”, what is “narcissism” - normal or pathological, how is it formed and what are the main defense mechanisms of narcissism? organized personality. Nancy McWilliams describes people with narcissistic disorder as having a personality organized around maintaining self-esteem by seeking validation from others. All of us have some level of vulnerability about who we are and how valuable we feel. Our pride rises with approval and wilts with disapproval from significant others, but for some, maintaining self-esteem overshadows other concerns to the point that the person becomes preoccupied solely with these issues, in which case the term "narcissistic personality" is applied. Preoccupied with how they are perceived by others, narcissistically organized people experience an underlying feeling that they are deceived and unloved. Narcissists often describe feeling subjectively empty, they worry that they don't fit in, and they may talk incessantly about everything but the more hidden aspects of their identity. Their self-esteem can be high or low and fluctuate between these two extremes, they are overly attuned to others to guess their feelings, but only if this is related to the reactions of others towards him, but at the same time they have an impaired ability to identify with feelings and needs others and show empathy. How is the narcissistic personality type formed? H. Kohut describes narcissism as one of the normal phases of healthy development, but if disturbances occur during this phase, it is related to the relationship with the mother and usually centers around issues of empathy and idealization. If the parent was available, but not sensitive to the emotional needs of the child, a warm attachment was not established between him and the child, then the child, firstly, transfers the model of object relations to all subsequent relationships, and secondly, he gets used to the fact that in contact everything that considered right and good is supported, and any spontaneous manifestation is rejected. A split occurs into “ideal self” - everything that was met with support and the real self. which was met with rejection. Such children very early develop a very high sensitivity regarding what others want from them, they know how to give it to them, but they do not know their real selves. In adulthood, the image replaces the essence; if you try to get closer to the narcissist, discover his vulnerability and vulnerability, then you are unlikely to succeed, because for the narcissist this is associated with issues of shame. That part of themselves that they consider unbearably bad (which was rejected in contact) they are used to hiding and disguising from others, hence they form a false self, and shame arises when someone can see and detect it. On the other hand, he longs to be seen and noticed because in the depths of his soul he cherishes the hope of being accepted in his spontaneity and authenticity, hence the inherent attraction of attention. A compensatory reaction for the feeling of shame from feeling bad is a feeling of grandiosity, when he seems outstanding, not like everyone else, capable of the incredible and worthy of admiration. The real drama of the narcissist is organized around this narcissistic swing. It is difficult for them to establish close relationships because they know how to guess the desire of another and how to give him what he needs, but they cannot let go of control, surrender to contact, be vulnerable and truly let someone into their world and their boundaries. When they meet someone who, it seems to them, could love not only their “facade”, but also accept and love him for real, he begins to idealize the object of his love, but demands absolute acceptance from the other. Sooner or later,