From the author: In order for the conflict to become constructive, and for your relationship not only not to suffer, but to become even better, and for mutual understanding to increase, you must follow several rules of constructiveness in conflict. Conflict is a scary word that has mostly negative connotations. Sometimes it seems that in “good” families, happy friendships and intimate relationships, there are no conflicts, everything goes like clockwork, everyone loves and understands each other perfectly. However, this is an illusion. Even if people love each other, sympathize with each other, or have a strong friendship, sometimes they do not understand each other and have different points of view on the same issues. This is due to the fact that each of us has our own values, thoughts, beliefs, upbringing, personal experience, etc. Therefore, contradictions simply cannot help but arise from time to time. The question is: how do you deal with these contradictions and conflicts? Do they turn into loud scandals with remembering all the grievances of the past, insults and reproaches with complete forgetting of the subject of the dispute? Or is it a calm conversation with a rational discussion of the subject of the conflict with a decision that satisfies both parties? In order for the conflict to become constructive, and for your relationship not only not to suffer, but to become even better, and for mutual understanding to increase, you must follow several rules of constructiveness in the conflict. A problem and a personality are not the same thing. There is a specific reason for the disagreement (problem) and it is this that needs to be identified and resolved. If you formulate the problem as “you are a bad father,” then there is only one option (find a good one), but if you say that something specific does not suit you, this is a completely different issue that you can work on. Formulating the problem as common to both partners. In order to motivate and activate both partners, you need to think about how this problem interferes with both of you. Solution options. Each partner must offer their own solutions and try to hear and understand the other side. It is very important to listen carefully to your partner. When we notice that they are trying to understand us, we also become more attentive to the words of the other. Arguments. Express arguments “for” the decision of one partner and then the other (why does this decision seem constructive to him?). It is important to discuss ONLY the arguments. DO NOT get personal and DO NOT bring up old grievances. This will not lead to anything good, but will only turn your partner against you. It is important, having expressed possible solutions, not to judge your partner and not to say “you are suggesting this because you are... (cruel, don’t listen to me, bad husband...).” Making a decision. One of the main differences between a constructive conflict and a destructive one is clearly speaking and making a specific decision. Sometimes the decision “don’t change anything for now” is also useful. Thus, conflict with constructive consequences is quite real. Using these simple rules, any conflict can be resolved constructively, and relationships will not suffer. I wish you harmony and mutual understanding in your relationships with people around you.