From the author: A separation or divorce can remain unfinished throughout our lives and continue to influence us. An ex-husband or wife is the person with whom you were connected for several years of marriage. You once made plans together and had completely different expectations for your life together. Now you are divorced, and in this article I will not clarify the circumstances of your divorce, nor will I focus on who is right and who is wrong. Divorce is always a traumatic situation. This is not only the loss of a partner, but also the loss of one’s desires and hopes. When getting divorced, each person goes through all the stages of loss in their own way. The last stage of loss is the stage of acceptance, which means that you have respect and gratitude for your ex-partner for what you had together, for the child you shared, and for the end of the relationship. As a rule, rarely does anyone come to this stage. Resentment, anger, attempts to forget or complete indifference - this is how the separation of two former spouses ends. The criterion for a completed separation is a calm, respectful attitude towards your partner for what happened between you, for your life together, for your child and for your separation. Respect, but not indifference. If you don’t know what this condition is, if you are still offended, try to forget, talk for a long time about how it could have been different, then your separation is not completed. An unfinished separation takes a lot of strength and energy for your future life. Because part of you seems to remain close to your former partner. A completed separation gives strength, everything else that lasts for years, conflicts and indifference take away energy. This means that part of your soul is in a previous relationship. You do not see the other partners who appear in your life as they are. After a divorce, there is a danger of dragging your joint child or children into your claims. Parents never divorce; a man and a woman do. When you judge your partner and drag your child into it, the child is forced to take your position. Thus, your ex-husband or wife is, as it were, excluded for unworthy or bad behavior. An excluded partner is one whose behavior and whose fate have a real chance of being repeated in subsequent generations. Both parents continue in the child, and the task for the two parents is to sort things out with each other without dragging the child into their relationship. Where adults sort things out, there is no place for a child. It is very useful for parents to let their child understand that, despite the fact that they are divorced, he can love everyone and, as parents, they both continue to exist for him. Completed separation is a process that has a positive effect on the future of those who separated and their child . Former partners are part of our life, our destiny, and this cannot be changed. How to complete a separation on your own? 1) first decide whether you want your separation from your previous partner, husband to be completed, or whether you are more comfortable leaving everything as it is yes; 2) if you decided to end the separation, then you must admit that you once had the right to be angry and offended, but time has passed, and the moment has come to abandon previous judgments and look at the situation from the other side; 3) let your partner know the child that he can love his father, and that he has both parents, and what happened between them concerns only adults, children do not interfere; 4) thank your husband for the past together. You can continue the work in more detail on your own, for example, with the help of my books “Accept the power of your kind” and “Healing with the power of your kind”, there are a lot of practical exercises there. Other articles on my website, in the magazine http://solodovnikova.org/Ask me your questions by email - [email protected]