We love our children very much, they bring joy, cause smiles and tears of happiness. But behind the external picture, something not very pleasant is often hidden. How can parents unconsciously use their children? Let's start with birth. More precisely, from planning a child. Here are just some of the reasons why you NEED a child: - to get married / leave the parental home faster - to please someone (mom, husband) and even name them after them - to prove to others / yourself that you are like everyone else and can give birth - “it’s about time”, time that can’t wait - to save the family / for a husband who wants a boy - to change something in life (for example, leave a job you don’t like, change your profession) - so as not to be left alone: ​​“No husband , at least I’ll give birth to a child.” etc. That is, a child as a means🔹of proving to society his worth🔹from loneliness🔸self-affirmation🔹achieving his goals🔸manipulation The child is already assigned by the mother the role of her savior from those situations that she could not cope with herself. Of course, perhaps this is not about you, but that’s all Well... Admitting to yourself such reasons for the appearance of children in your life is very difficult. This is not a sentence. But admitting, seeing yourself, opens the way to awareness, new actions and relationships with the child. I will not be original if I say that for a child under 5 years old, parents are simply like Gods. He is completely dependent on them and everything that adults say is the truth for a child. And the child is also ready to sacrifice himself so that the parent (most often the mother) feels good. What happens when a mother holds back anger, irritation, resentment and dissatisfaction? Her internal tension is growing. Because emotions are energy, and having originated in you, it needs to be processed and find a way out. Very similar to the theme with food. Ate - digest - get rid of waste. Or they refused to eat. Or they ate, but something went wrong... The body itself will find a way to quickly get rid of it in this case. It’s more difficult with emotions. The desire to control them, to be good and restrained parents who do not allow themselves negative emotions and control themselves until the last moment. But it is impossible to restrain them for a long time. And often the last drop is added by your beloved child. Dear mothers and fathers, in this way the child helps you get rid of the tension that was created by restrained emotions! "How?" - You ask. This is because a family is a single system. These are communicating energy vessels. One field. And so that mom or dad doesn’t get torn into small pieces, the child behaves badly, which causes your breakdown. After all, after a breakdown there is always a lull and the “system” comes into balance. Here the child is used as a means to balance the family system. And as a means of relieving stress. When parents are no longer together, but the relationship has not been settled, many complaints and grievances remain after the separation. The mother cannot express everything to the father, throw out her pain, but the child is nearby and he is part of the father. And claims against a child are often associated with claims against a husband or oneself. Outbursts on children cause feelings of guilt and dissatisfaction with themselves, with which parents often do not know what to do. A specialist will help to realize the connections and break the vicious circle. Don’t stress yourself or your child out - contact a psychologist.