You know, I very often receive questions where women simply ask me, what is it like to be together? How to be together so that the relationship is long and strong? It would seem that everyone knows the answer to this question... I am sure that many people think that being together is really, in the literal sense of the word, being together always and everywhere. Like in childhood with a girlfriend - “ don’t spill the water.” Such friendships most often occur between girls, although I can’t say that boys don’t have them at all. But boys are friends somehow differently than girls, they don’t have such a great need to be with someone like “don’t spill.” water,” boys can communicate with everyone. Girls, on the contrary, love to team up in pairs and are very jealous of the appearance of a third on the horizon of friendship. Girls are very protective of their friendship and often experience real and painful jealousy of their friend. God forbid she pays attention to someone. And, in principle, such girls will strive to recreate a semblance of the same friendship with a man. What does it mean to you to be together? How do you imagine your life together? Try to schedule your every day for a month with a man the way you would ideally want it. Now, after a few days, read it out loud... Now try to answer the question for yourself. What is family? Family is ME. Family is YOU. Family is WE. Family is ME and YOU. What did you say? Do you know what the most correct answer to the question is, what is a good, strong family? The strongest and most viable families are those where there is everything. Sometimes it’s just you, your desires, your interests, your own life. Sometimes it’s your husband with the same set. There are moments when you are together and there is no separation, you are like one whole, and there are times when you are together, but each with its own boundaries, do not merge into one whole, but interact like two independent adults. My work experience shows that the most viable families are those where the roles between husband and wife change all the time, smoothly flow from one state to another. If you imagine a house, then there is the husband’s office - his territory, there is the wife’s office - her territory, no one has the right to enter there without knocking or warning, this is personal space. In the same house there is their shared bedroom, where boundaries are erased and there is a living room, where they can do one or different things together. Each person has their own boundaries, the so-called personal space, someone you let very close to you, someone then keep it at a certain distance. Sometimes you want to be among people, and sometimes you just need to be alone. In each of us, two completely opposite tendencies coexist. On the one hand, you want freedom and independence, on the other hand, to feel a close and loving person nearby. We were thinking Have you ever thought about distance in a relationship? Many of you probably don’t even imagine what it’s like to have distance in a relationship. If love is together, then what kind of distance can there be? Being together means being together. Everyone has their own idea of ​​distance in a relationship, and if the distance that exists in your relationship is comfortable for you, then there are no questions. I want to touch on this topic because from my practice I know that the issue of distance is quite common and often painful. In fact, any relationship has its own distance. Intimacy between people varies between fusion and distance, sometimes taking the form of alienation. Many women, and men too, adhere to extreme options, or build and dream of merging-type relationships, or while being together, they move away from each other. You know very well that in The most important thing for everyone is moderation, and the truth is always between the extreme options, somewhere in the middle. If you are inclined and expect merging from relationships, then you apparently belong to women who are dependent on relationships and love; for you, the most important thing in life is relationships. Without a man, you cannot enjoy life, much less get pleasure from life. Withoutnovels, love affairs, flirting, you feel that life is passing you by. If you are inclined to merge in a relationship, then it is likely that you prefer the first stages of their development in a relationship, the so-called honeymoon. When you call each other several dozen times a day, when there is no one except your lover in your life, you work with difficulty, and there’s no need to talk about girlfriends and other relatives. Interest in them immediately disappears and so does the need to communicate with them. You spend all your free time with your man, you want to do everything together, go shopping together, relax together, do housework together. You can’t live without each other. Moreover, you satisfy all your needs so completely that you really don’t need others. Do you understand what I mean? You satisfy your needs and don’t need others... Others are in your life not because you just want them to be and you have a real interest in them, but they are in your life to satisfy your needs. Very often, when a woman finds a man, she practically reduces all your communication with your friends (girlfriend) to nothing. The merger in a relationship is so complete that you practically lose your boundaries and, along with it, your self. You know almost everything about each other, bare your soul completely, you have no secrets and topics that you would not be able to discuss with each other. A man is not just a man for you, he becomes your closest and most trusted friend, lover, father... Your only desire becomes the desire to never part. And at the same time, the strongest fear awakens - the fear of separation. The desire to merge into one with a man is born from your childhood depths. Either you didn’t know any other relationship, your mother treated you like this as a child, she didn’t distinguish between herself and you, she had the word “WE”. Or, what happens most often, you really missed such a relationship with your mother, but always really wanted... So that like this - “do not spill the water” with her, everywhere, together - you for mom, mom for you. Because of the dissatisfaction of this desire , the need for fusion remains for the rest of one's life. A fusion relationship is not viable for the long term. If they continue for a long time, then, as a rule, they acquire bizarre and often disfigured forms of so-called love. A painful attachment and dependence on a man, love and relationships arises, which usually turns into mutual suffering for a couple. In such relationships, you can suffocate in a stuffy room from a lack of oxygen, one person becomes unable to breathe in such a relationship, irritation and fatigue arise, and as a normal reaction, they move away. For another, it becomes unbearable to be in such a suffocating relationship, and the more the other moves away, the more forcefully you grab on. As a rule, all lovers at the very beginning have relationships that develop exactly this type. In the first stages, merging gives that desired sweetness in love, a feeling security. The other is perceived as one with you and you no longer perceive your partner as a separate person, he becomes a part of you. From this moment on, the main causes of all subsequent conflicts begin. If you are mine, then you do not have the right to your desires and your personal life. Any movement or action of a partner that goes against your expectations is perceived with resentment and gives rise to feelings of loneliness, uselessness, abandonment and abandonment, and sometimes betrayal. Your partner becomes a part of you, but how can your hand live on its own? She does what you want, control over the body is in your hands. The fear of loneliness and the fear of losing a man become so strong that the demands on a man begin to increase even more. Ultimately, such relationships destroy a woman on a subtle level, impoverish her, and exhaust her. They deprive them of energy and strength, and deprive these relationships of vitality. The only thing that can give these relationships the strength to survive and flourish is the symbolic appearance of a “third”. The third one could be who or what