When we talk about such a form of experience as “falling in love” .. “Falling in love” as a kind of spontaneous, sudden and inexplicable feeling... Then, unfortunately, and most often, it is a programmed, automatic unconscious reaction. And according to many psychological theories, this is “a clear greeting from the parents.” That is, “falling in love” is your ALREADY existing certain traumas, certain addictions, certain unmet needs. It is they who dictate to rigidly and adamantly obey the attitude..."I cannot live without him/her", "Only he/she is the meaning of my life"...and so on and so forth categorically. These explanations are given by all lovers with an insane, irresistible urge to be near or with the object of passion. And now let’s remember who a small child cannot live without, starting from birth? On whom does he actually depend completely and irrevocably, until he learns to do at least something and make decisions... That's right - he depends on mom and dad. (feed, clean up poop, entertain) And it’s not about the parents’ appearance, although sometimes she is involved. It could be any trigger written in your mind. This, for example, is the timbre of the voice, or the style of conversation, this is some type of behavior, these are smells or touches or gait... Yes, anything can drag a person into uncontrollable love. There is a trigger - and bang! - a craving for a person appears completely unconsciously. How to approach someone very familiar, very dear... And who is this “familiar and dear”? And again, bingo, if you answered the word “parents.” Also, let’s not write off the purely animal component of a person - these are hormones and sexual physical attraction. This component can also sometimes set the tone and guideline for desires. Especially in my youth. And this is also an impulsive, automatic and not particularly serious basis for a relationship. So, what do we have? A) We have that same love - “senseless and merciless”)) sung in almost all pop popular songs: “You left, taking everything with you my heart”, “The whole world is not sweet without you”, “I drowned in your eyes and lost all of myself without a trace”, “You beckoned and I lost my will”... etc. And so on and so forth, descriptions of not simple painful psychological manifestations. B) We also have the tired game of “abuser” and “victim”. When the victim “suffers but loves, suffers and cannot leave for some unknown reason, as if some kind of insurmountable addiction”... That's right. there is a very direct relationship. Dependence on the image of one or another parent. A subconscious urge to cry but stay close. C) We also have apathy, depression and loss of meaning in living without the desired object of suffering. Once you break the painful craving, withdrawal occurs, similar to the withdrawal of a drug addict. Which sometimes leads to a psychologist’s office, and sometimes ends very badly. D) And again, so on, so on, so on... (you can recall other consequences and “side effects” of falling in love). Let me say right away that not every “fall in love” is doomed to "psychiatric" diagnosis and dramatic development of events. "Falling in love" - ​​may well turn into a deeper, adult and already realized feeling of "Love". When partners are interested in each other not only by automatic reactive dependencies, but also by something bigger and deeper... This is a desirable and good option for transforming “being in love.” And this happens with partners who are already quite “spiritually” developed or strive for their own “internal development.” This is an option when instead of a total automatic “merger” and “loss of oneself.” Lovers remain themselves and do not lose their sense of “self,” “separateness,” “awareness.” At the same time, they maintain closeness. Such a good option is the topic of a separate article. But the “automatic falling in love” described above can happen (and most often does) without a transition to something deeper. So (in essence) you will remain at the “level of neuroses”. And the most classic ending of such relationships is either eternal suffering together or.