From the author: In the process of upbringing, parents can unconsciously lay down patterns that limit the development of a child’s personality for the sake of false social values ​​or their own ambitions. The article provides examples of parental messages that negatively manifest themselves in the lives of mature children. A little man is born and day after day, month after month, year after year he learns about the world around him. Almost everything he encounters, he unconsciously perceives as an objective reality, as a fact, which he automatically sends to the gradually filling treasury of his own experience. The child still lacks criticality, he perceives everything literally, and every word and action of his parents develops for him into a complex program that he will use throughout his life. Ask any parents what they wish for their child, and in response you will hear that they dream of seeing their children healthy, prosperous and happy. At the same time, parents are confident that, to the best of their skills and capabilities, they are raising their children so that this cherished well-being will overtake them in adulthood. And, as a rule, neither mothers nor fathers think that, along with benefits, they often send their children such attitudes and opinions that can poison their lives. Parental messages turn into certain rules, and sometimes into strict taboos, gradually forming an individual psychological reality of the emerging personality. A person grows up and automatically uses the attitudes laid down by his parents, sometimes to his own detriment. Nothing illustrates the effect of psychological attitudes more clearly than examples from real life. Let's turn to them. Parental message “Deprivation of the right to express one’s opinion” This message is laid out with the words “Keep quiet while adults are talking!”, “Keep quiet, they don’t ask you!” and similar statements. The client sought psychological help, depressed by the situation at work. She felt so uncomfortable in their small department of five people that she seriously considered quitting. When she first got settled, it seemed to her that as time passed, she would get used to it and become “one of them.” But more than a year passed, and she remained on the sidelines. When her colleagues chatted about this and that over tea, she did not dare to insert herself into the conversation and spoke only in those cases when she was approached with a question. Over time, the active employees began to pay less and less attention to the new girl, and she completely withdrew into herself. In the process of therapeutic work, the client recalled how her authoritarian mother could easily cut her off mid-sentence: “It’s none of your business.” And even when deciding issues directly related to their daughter’s life (for example, which summer camp to send to), the parents were not going to listen to her opinion. The parents did not allow her to interrupt their conversations, believing that in this way they were instilling in their daughter respect for adults, but in fact , they deprived their daughter of the right to vote. The client had to do long-term work aimed at increasing her own importance. Parental message “You are the only one in the world” It would seem that there is nothing wrong with the fact that parents consider their child the best. They love him, support him in everything, encourage him in case of failure and are proud of his achievements. As a rule, such children have a joyful childhood and successful schooling. This once again confirms to parents that their daughter or son is the best. But the time comes when a young man or girl who has long matured is trying to find a mate. This is where the time bomb kicks in. And the parents also add: “You are smart and beautiful, you deserve the best chosen one.” One friend turns out to be unworthy, the second and the third... When one of these “only” heroines came for a psychological consultation, she spoke about her first love, rejected by her mother, and about a 10-year relationship with a man who had a family. She finally found herself a man, but one who wasn’t