“... We want a baby, but for some reason he’s in no hurry to come to us.” In this article I would like to gently touch on a difficult topic for some women, and men too. Topic called “Psychological infertility.” This term refers to such cases in obstetric practice when gynecologists throw up their hands and say that they do not very well understand why pregnancy does not occur in this particular case. This is when a woman can outwardly (at a social level) do everything to make pregnancy happen, but on a subconscious level dictate to herself that pregnancy is impossible. Maybe some of you, after reading this article, will discover something new for yourself on the path to understanding psychological reasons for this “diagnosis” and thanks to this they will find the path that will lead you to an acceptable solution. And there are quite a lot of reasons. And therefore, I will not methodologically describe the probable aspects and factors of this “disease”, but will only tell you some examples from practice. And then perhaps you will look at the current situation in your life related to the desire to have a child, a little more broadly, from a different angle and from a different perspective. The story of Yulia K. When Yulia turned to me, she had been married for two years. But before marriage, Yulia and her future husband lived together for four years, albeit as a guest marriage. And all these years, Julia unsuccessfully tried to get pregnant. Then the marriage was concluded, and joint visits to doctors began, detailed questions and a whole bunch of tests. As a result, they were told that there was nothing to worry about, there were no medical abnormalities. And the relatives kept “pressing and pressing” with their desire to babysit their grandchildren. As a result, Julia fell into a state of tearfulness and resentment. Her blood pressure began to rise, and she even fainted a couple of times when her period came. The doctors again found nothing for treatment and tactfully advised me to see a psychologist. That’s how Yulia ended up consulting with me. I can’t say that this task seemed easy to me. There can be many reasons for psychological infertility. But as a result of our meetings and conversations, Yulina’s story turned out to be quite typical and common. So, let’s go in order. Yuliya’s serious love relationship began when she was seventeen years old. Talking about this connection, the girl began to noticeably worry: her face “began” with red spots, her voice trembled treacherously, and a veil of tears began to cloud her eyes. In just a few seconds, she turned from a poised girl with her head held high into a little girl who shrank and even shrank. She said that her first man was thirteen years older and, moreover, married. Remembering how she dreamed of dating him, how she, “at the first call, leaving everything behind, rushed to him,” about how happy she was even with fleeting meetings in the car... about “cute, simple gifts”... Julia gradually transformed: the back straightened, the tension left the body, and the lights of happiness flashed in the eyes. I saw and felt that there - in this regard, the girl had a lot of love for this man, a lot of love and pain... And this connection is still very strong... And that her heart and soul are filled with love, but love not for her husband, but for Yuri (that was his name). Julia twice had an abortion from him. He didn’t want children from her, but she wanted to always be close only to him. But... we must pay tribute, as Yulia noted, Yuri honestly told her that he would never divorce his wife, citing the fact that then he would lose the financial position that he currently has. This relationship lasted five years. She was ready to continue to be close to him, well, albeit at a distance, but he said: “That’s it.” And everything seemed to end in Yulia’s life. And then Artem, her future husband, came into her life. He didn't appear out of nowhere. He tried to court her all these years, but she didn’t give him any chance then. “Artem, as it were, filled the void created after parting with Yura... The void“filled it, but didn’t enter my heart,” Yulia said quietly. I understood how painful the first experience of a close relationship was for this nice young woman. This does not always go unnoticed. And memory, on the one hand, trying to protect us from unnecessary pain, seems to erase everything negative. But the body and soul remember everything very acutely only because the pain never completely went away, and the antidote was never developed. What happens in a relationship when we get closer to our real partner and feel that he is not here? Doesn’t our soul, as adults, at this moment recoil, retreat and somehow shrink? She feels offended, gets angry and makes claims. And the same thing, we assume, happens to the unborn child. Crunching is a common way to cope with pain. If, for example, we hit our finger with a hammer, the first thing we do is squeeze it tightly with the other hand to muffle the pain. The same thing happens with our Soul, the Soul of the unborn child. The soul moves towards and feels: there is no one here, then it recoils and shrinks, shrinks to a minimum. Or... it’s better not to be - it’s safer. The story of Margarita B. Rita is happily married. She loves and is loved. But... as the young woman said when we met: “My husband and I want a baby, but for some reason he is in no hurry to come to us.” I was a little surprised by the way she said this phrase. Not a single muscle moved on her face. The voice sounded calm and even cold. And the eyes... the eyes seemed to be glazed over. And I got the feeling that the woman in front of me froze, or rather was dumbfounded. This state of hers lasted for a moment, and then she seemed to perk up and calmly continued her story about what she did about “this matter.” I suggested that Rita do a constellation to look from the outside at her inner image regarding the birth of a child. After some actions deputies, the arrangement led us to the client’s grandmother. The figures of the client’s deputies and her grandmother seemed to copy each other: both stood as if petrified, and their eyes were fixed on the floor. Having introduced the test piece into the arrangement and placed it in its place, “Granny” collapsed and her body began to shake with sobs. She hugged this figure to her and cried. When I asked the client: “Does this scene tell you anything?” Margarita did not answer at first. One got the impression that she could not utter a word. There was pain on her face... and tears slowly fell from her eyes. Finally she said: “My grandmother all her life, as long as I remember her, she was so cheerful, I would even say mischievous. She could drink and dance. But I noticed many times, but did not attach any importance to it, that no matter how much fun and laughter she had, pain and sorrow were always visible in her eyes... Her eyes never laughed... We knew that she buried three small children during the post-war famine. But it seemed so far away and didn’t seem to concern us. She buried her last baby when she was pregnant with my mother.” And then the states and feelings that the grandmother’s deputies and the client herself showed to us became clear: “It’s so scary and painful to lose your children. Therefore, it is better not to have them.” The nature of feelings is very complex. Sometimes we don’t even realize how vulnerable we can be. Or, on the contrary, it seems to us that our strength lies in “impenetrability”, in the ability to suppress traumatic feelings and carefully disguise them. And pregnancy itself is a special state for a woman when she begins to feel most vulnerable. Therefore, it is on the threshold of this state or directly in this state that all old unhealed mental wounds, past grievances and unresolved fears can become aggravated. And then the body itself makes a decision - whether it is necessary to start a new life with such baggage or not. And, as a rule, in most such cases, the reproductive system of the female body decides to postpone pregnancy until better times. Therefore, sometimes, in order to get pregnant, a woman needs to do a “reboot”.