A fairly common case when we experience great disappointment that our expectations do not coincide with reality. The pain of disappointment is familiar to everyone, and it is hardly possible to completely get rid of expectations. And in close relationships, expectations are very appropriate. I even dare to say that expectations from a partner are a necessary element of close relationships. After all, I know a close person quite well. I communicate with him a lot and already know when and what to expect from him. Even if he is a very unpredictable and spontaneous person. And this is a special art that close people learn together - to meet at least some of each other’s expectations, without limiting the appearance of oneself. And, of course, there are disappointments. But when do they cause pain? Close people in relationships play different roles for each other. Relationships generally develop differently, some roles are immediately defined at the core of the relationship, some are played because the partners have such needs. The roles “Parent – ​​Child” in the relationship between mother and daughter are built in “by default”. But when they change places, for example, a daughter becomes a “caring mother” for her mother, giving care and love, this is rather a violation of the rules, although not uncommon. And such a role change in itself does not bring pain. Moreover, sometimes such role switching leads to increased intimacy at certain moments. Indeed, in this case, the mother satisfies the need for closeness of her inner child. And if the daughter has enough resources for this and she agrees to play this role, then the relationship between daughter and mother can be quite harmonious and painless. Although such radical reversals of roles do not lead to good, that is not what I want to talk about now. I am talking about the case when a lot of pain appears in such a relationship. If a mother feels bad and difficult, then in such a situation she seeks support and acceptance from her own daughter and ends up in a childish position. And she expects that she will give her the much-needed “parental love.” But at this moment my daughter is not at all up to it. And this is just normal and natural for her, that she does not want to be a mother for her mother. But for mom this is a very painful disappointment. Not only is she at resource level, but also the person closest to her betrayed her - did not live up to expectations. But these expectations are quite justified - after all, the daughter has already fed her mother with intimacy many times in a similar situation. And all this manifests itself in such subtle and implicit moments of interaction (smiles, touches, gestures, barely significant phrases) that it is incredibly difficult to realize this discrepancy between expectations and reality. Further - worse. Mom, feeling betrayed, quite internally justifiably begins to take revenge. And she hurts her daughter with the message “oh, you are not as you were and as I expected, let’s do as I want, if you love me!” Well, and besides everything else, the game of Karpman triangles, so familiar from childhood, begins (it’s quite possible to play it together). And there turns out to be a lot of pain. In such a situation, it is very important to notice that the roles are reversed. To do this, you most likely need the help of specialists. Next, there’s a lot you can do with this. In general, this is the topic of separation from mother, large and extensive. And it can be even more difficult to notice when the roles are confused in an initially equal relationship. When, for example, in marriage, partners look for each other’s mother (father) and usually find each other to mutual satisfaction. And such relationships can even continue for a long time, peacefully and almost painlessly, if there are few particularly difficult periods in life when parental love is absolutely necessary for both partners at once. But time passes, people change (as do life situations) and now someone can no longer play this inappropriate role, while others have nowhere else to satisfy this need for parental love. And then new painful cases begin. And it’s not easy to get around them, even if partners know how to negotiate such difficult things. But much more often we cannot even understand what happened..