Offense is the most discriminated against of all emotions, according to my observations. Surely, everyone is familiar with the saying “They carry water on the offended.” Expressing resentment is often perceived as an attempt at manipulation. Frankly speaking, it is not without reason. After all, for many (not all) girls, and even for guys, I have noticed that demonstrating resentment is a way to make a partner feel guilty and thus force them to make excuses or pay off. This is probably why many people do not trust offense. Prison culture, merging with the general culture, adds a special connotation to the word “offended”, which will also add a sense of shame to the offended person. All sorts of gurus call for radical forgiveness and insist that resentment slows you down, prevents you from living, growing and developing. And even from some colleagues and teachers, from whom I least expected, I hear that resentment is not mature, not an adult, the feeling is a childish form of anger. I don’t know about you, I’m offended by the insult;) Because, in this context, immature for me is synonymous with flawed, defective, unfinished, in general, some kind of unfinished... I remain true to my conviction that there are no good and bad emotions, more or less useful, correct or incorrect. All emotions give us information, and hearing this information, understanding it and making the right decision based on it is a skill that can be developed. Resentments happen to children, adults, old people, geniuses and fools, people at the pinnacle of success and those who are lucky less. I really wonder why resentment is a childish form of anger, because resentment is a more complex feeling than anger, containing shades of anger, carrying an internal conflict. A feeling that also contains shades of surprise, sadness, and disappointment. Resentment arises in our relationships with another person or group when we are faced with the fact that our expectations are deceived. Then, when the partner has been given some trust and this trust is destroyed. Expectations could be determined by agreements, stem from the context of the relationship, be a consequence of generally accepted rules. I expected that my best friend would not seduce my girlfriend, and if this happened, she would stop his such actions, but something happened between them and my expectations deceived, I am offended by them. Moreover, both people play a significant role in my life, each has done a lot of important things for me and I can’t just cross them out. Therefore, an internal conflict arises. In the company of mutual friends, Kolya makes jokes at Masha’s expense, which makes her feel awkward, and in the middle of the evening he forgets about her and does not pay her any attention. Masha, after a year of close relationship, is offended by Kolya’s attitude. Vasya takes care of Olya in every possible way, gives her flowers for no reason, arranges surprises, but when Vasya gets sick, Olya has no time for Vasya, not only for some kind of care, but even for that to call him and inquire about his health. Vasya is offended. Of course, expectations can be either justified or unfounded. The very feeling of resentment only says that they have been deceived. If in the first case, the girl and I immediately agreed that we had an open, polyamorous relationship, I told my best friend about this and noted that in general I don’t mind if they have something, then my belief is that he should have realized that there was no need to seduce her in a somewhat naive manner. The feeling of resentment that arises is only a signal that something contrary to my expectations has happened in some relationship that is valuable to me. Based on this feeling, I can take further actions of varying degrees of effectiveness that affect me and the relationship: pouting my lips, playing the silent game, telling my partner that such behavior is unacceptable with me, asking to somehow compensate for the insult caused to me, explaining to myself that my expectations were wrong and perhaps unfounded, change my expectations for the future, end relationships in which my expectations are regularly disappointed. The most ineffective thing you can do when reacting to an insult is to repeatedly scroll through your head thoughts about how the person should have guessed, What.